It's being reliable that is the issue. 

I think what is bothering you.. Is that you are being relied upon. I don't like being relied upon.. It hinders me, sucks me dry of the love and hope that I bring to others. It cages me inside a box; creates a creature that I do not understand. Instead I want others to understand that one can only rely on themselves. You can not hold humankind to your standards. It is only once they learn that relying on themselves is the answer... Will they find joy in knowing that others are not available. 

It's not that we won't be together

Someday

It's that we have so much growing to do

Before we are ready. 

Our past shows us the future_

Only our skin has changed.

It belongs to our wisdom

& clarity of our longing

to be together. 

It provokes. Ink and paper 

to play out our desperate

Love affairs that

Make this time...

to pass. 

It's not that the clock

Is too slow

But we stare at it with

Impatience

Like children who pretend

to be grown

Before it's life that takes

Away our imagination. 

its what you choose not to say that matters the most.

i feel like i have reached a moment of ...

level ground. i don't prefer to go either way really
i don't want to go home... i don't want to be here.

i've thought about dying & maybe even go to another ... land or time.

if all of this means i'm crazy, then ask yourself this:

why are you still alive?

when reckless meets abandon.

Imagination, also called the faculty of imagining, is the ability to form new images and sensations that are not perceived through sight, hearing, or other senses. Imagination helps make knowledge applicable in solving problems and is fundamental to integrating experience and the learning process. 

who's to say what is real anyway?

she sent me just a second of his song... not the part that i had hoped for... but the view over looking the water was refreshing.

taking his guitar playing to the next level... that is what gets me excited.

where does that pulse come from?

im on another level. "living in california". who says this isn't just a made up form of my imagined outcome ... 

i had laid aside the girl i once was. i had to give her up to be here. i had to sacrifice her being to "be" in another world. a parallel of obstacles of which i am still learning their... pattern. 

God gave me strength and power to become this imaginary character in a world that seems to exist only in blurbs of time; that i neither can explain or understand. 

Solitude is a prayer for yourself.

The peace of nature settling the dust like thoughts

If not recorded are 

Taken away with the breeze.

Present tense is a frozen 

Moment left in the sun

On this summer's day.

Shattering like liquid 

And glass on a marble

Floor.. Breaks the silence 

You never fulfilled. 

one.hundred.eighteen.

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. (Proverbs 31:30 KJV)

The reality of the fact is that my path gets intercepted; only occasionally by a simple human boy. Event-fully these boys will grow into men... Those that can treat me like a woman... Not a girl, win. Those who do not convince me to lay with them.... satan's temptations will not subside. 

gabriel.

 :is an archangel typically sent as a messenger to humans from God. 

this explains my feelings. as if i needed some

force to hold me down.