lucid dreaming can be a dangerous reality.

i had the strangest dreams last night... about my life leaving california. i didn't want to go, i wasn't ready. one of my room mates was forcing me to leave because he knew that i didn't have any right to be here, i can't afford not one bit of it. he had packed up all my things and i was forced to find a way home or somewhere else within only days. i panicked and was shocked by the reaction of the other room mates; they didnt seem to care. i stared out the window and wished that i didn't have to leave the view. where would i live? i couldn't see any options... i couldn't visualize any real future that looked bright to me. i think i even considered living at the salon... maybe with christoffer.
i did keep seeing this under the second floor room that was dark and comfortable, good lighting... high windows. it lead to the forest which felt like it connected to home. i think elwang was even a part of this dream... maybe he was helping me move?
i couldn't snap out of dream land, i wasted time seeing this unreal scene when i could have been awake and in the present world.

whoa.

i need to get out of my head.

perfect timing.

you have to practice the daily rituals in order to stay on track. to stay focused and be able to get a task done. rituals. i have lost mine.. formed new ones, i am really unsure.

i stopped writing.
not enough time?
no.... just time filled with sex.
and other lustful nonsense.

but just as the seasons change, so do the tides.
it might be time to say goodbye for now.
he inspired an insightful ride.

i can learn to live without many things
a lover is not one of them.
i can not help my urges and i need them to be captured and contained with another human.

what i do believe... is that you choose a partner that compliments your life. that helps you get through the hard times, the good times.... and is there for years to help you reminiscence about the past. we choose to be with some one... we can not explain the attraction, but his scent plays a major role. his stature... his essence. it all just fits. for now. 

mission statement.

Let the timing be of an essence that guides me to the right path. My planning is soon to begin. I have to reconnect with my being.. My purpose.

What is she?

Persistent to focus
Resistant to negativity
Thought provoking
Enlightened
Engaging
Mysterious familiar energy
Childlike
Timeless
Classically trained
Eloquent
Exceptionally charming

And what will she do?
God only knows.

sir.sierra

what have you done to me?
where did you come from?
and when will you be leaving?

the fleeting breed of the male gender...
feministic traits that would confuse or stifle the average female.
he does it all for a reaction.
i have none.

hmm.

for now the made up illusion of his creature is trapped in my head and i want to run around with him.
he likes that i'm so mobile.

i like that he is such a gentleman. and he has phenomenal shoes.
men with style make me mad.
absolutely mad.

Timeless.

Resort back to the moment you arrived in California. The very first seconds of life here. The dreams, the aspirations... The joy of living in California. 

The eternal and everlasting light that I am... It resides inside of my soul. "I ain't got nothing but time".

I believe I prayed for him; I think I asked God for him to come along. Now we lay in a tangled mess of... Thoughts out loud. I should stay still with him, except we can never stop moving. I like hands and shoulders in the morning, it could've only been better with coffee. Our lustful time together is a sin, but I have to accept "this sin that I'm living in". I am only human.

I can't quite explain what has come over me. I think I fell out of love last night... This funny little feeling of ecstasy passing ... He wasn't what I wanted anymore, but that feeling and need to help him was still there. It is a forever feeling... 

dare to scare.

The obstacle of being scared... Even if you know that it is happening... You can't exactly prepare yourself for the unknown. I was surrounded by all of my men, six wonderful men to keep me safe. Even their hands were not enough to keep me from screaming & shaky my way through the maze.

I think what disturbed me the most... That our society pays to scare themselves. By the masses we stand in line to see this "amusement"... How bizarre.

I was entertained by the crowds around us... Filtering in and out of the maze... Which is actually an old ship from the early twenties. It claims to be haunted and I'm sure that all the fake ghosts & chain slamming didnt make the actual spirits too happy. Either way, after only half of the show... I was eager to make my exit. 

The one chord that struck me.. Was a few moments with a banjo. A girl was dressed as a zombie and playing "beat it" by Micheal Jackson in such an intriguing manner... I hope one day to recreate this sound. Her feeling was stiff ans rigid... some thing was trapped inside. 

The old box cars lining the entrance with freak show and circus.... Flames firing in such a timing that kept you on your toes, now that I think back, I should've captured a photo, but no... I was reminded of Harry, I am sure he has already seen this before. 

Dreams to dreams twisted in liquid metal, all of which decided to reflect themselves in distorted ways. I wake up in great pain and sorrow... The pale white essence of innocence is how he makes me feel. Showering me in powered air, I could feel his hand. He is still lingering so close. I want to hear his voice again, but not many voices can be heard in these dreams. 

Just another day in paradise.

Relax, stay awhile.

The beauty of the day is in colour. It is the breeze, the steady stillness of... I have been here in a dream. I dreamed it all in... I am so blessed.

Instead of moving... It is all handed to me on a silver platter, intriguingly placed pawns to guide my way. 

The red and black stripes reappear. Who knew a boy... of sorts... Exist that illustrates my life! His acrylic placement takes me to the space where it is hard to breathe. I am her.

Time drags on today. Hours from now I will be in this gallery full of artist... real artist.