12.31.13

the first few minutes of the last day of the year. the symbolism is extravagant and well worth the wait.

i remember scribbling this date down on a napkin a year ago at a coffee shop in california... now i lay here in the mountain side of Carolina. this day is to be of something... extraordinary.

the vision sisters inspired me to keep pushing, to keep pressing forward in my restless contentment. the desire for a mentor has been met and i may even have a few flames to add to the division of cells. to put yourself out there is a reckless chore; but one that stammers: proceed with caution.
so my word for the year?
PERSISTENCE

as for my attire? i believe i will be wearing all black; always all black. and a bowtie to match. if i could be anymore invisible...

broadway.

it has been the trip of a... lifetime. so here i am, back in my west side east side party... life in a carolina mountain town. the distance is always to my advantage and i see now that timing and ryhthym are the key to survival. i understand now, now that everyone has their personal... saga.

 my to be continued life is just a lyrical performance of the expected. i realize that only one minute of seeing him is enough to bring me into the realm of distortion.. and i am merely a beautiful distraction. i'll take all the insults as compliments to harness the new energy that is my perception of the future. i already control the space and the stars... "just use me as your science experiment."

holiday.

the insight from my east coast life style.
the pause to push play and keep the momentum rolling forward.
we all must take the time to gain the strength and support
from friends and family.
is it true that the love of my life is only a few days away.
twenty thousand fourteen is calling all of us
for a big surprise.

anthracite.

awake at five in the morning... coloring my hair.
like a fix
just like a fix...

friday the 13th. was one of my favorite days
wearing all black for the occasion
spending intimate moments
together. we start to show more
affection.

the tills went viral on the internet
holy rollers
asheville was featured
in nylon magazine.

oh... and i had front row seats
to a listening party of all the new
music of tomorrow.
i know
i already know.
musicians sharing and spilling their
soul in a rough draft of sensual
sexy electric guitar
and percussion.

i never put much thought into percussion
until i met sir.sierra
but now i see that his job
is to keep perfect time.

he has impeccable timing.

music & women.

laws of attraction will bring us back
to the reality of all that
matters is... music.
if i am not caught up in the distraction
of boys... i am chasing music.

seeking sound to gather a high
to make me see visions of
my future with .... both.

this brings me back to sex appeal
instinct to mate
companionship
support
challenge and desire.

i want to make love
i want to make music


it is now or never. i have almost been broken of fear.
is it odd that self inflicted pain is helping ease the tension...

acid tears.

as soon as you become to feel comfortable... that is when the rug is pulled from under your feet. just as the table setting begins to look as you imagined... it is all displaced.
maybe our universe is just a projection.
see where i am going with this?
i am talking crazy.
i have gone mad.
i called out of work today because i couldn't even work up enough energy to get there.
we woke up in tousled mess of arms and legs
maybe we took it too far.
he doesn't plan to stay over
but he never leaves.
we cuddle too well... it is nauseating.

we are making each other
physically
mentally
spiritually
sick.

the knife was placed in my stomach
and he twisted it...
"i might not be here when you get back..."
i already knew this.

until then... the poison continues to run through our veins.

gee golly.

one week.
is it bad that i want to stay here? i want to be in california so i can spend time with all the things that i have built. but instead this season i will be at home. falling in love all over again with the idea that life is a roller coaster and with each moment i have a new thought.

he keeps wanting to follow me home
today he shared a few feelings with me
a few songs
i shared
a few poems.

he gave me money for the market
then i left him there
he met me here
i kissed him there
he told me goodbye
i'll fly to the east
and it will never be the same.

dare i say it?
"you went rock & roll and forgot me".  -the tills.