3:40am

i am a worthy woman. worthy of marrying. i will be a sweet wife. if that day comes, he will be lucky. he needs to work for it, but for a lot of work, so that i know that he will be good for years. he has to want me in order for me to want him. i am worthy of being wanted. sought after. unforgettable. one guy tonight sarcastically said i was the one. too soon. too much. but i want to go to dinner with him. sober. I'm not completely sober, but I'm on another level & not everyone's with me. he seems to be "with me". we'll see. i like dinner. and conversation crazy, weird conversation. from now on its all me, every bit. jeffery bought me sweet orange sunglasses. keeps me on my toes. he has the best music. exactly what i want to listen to. i really like that. he is a good guy, means well & is a lot of fun. but i just can't have him falling love with me. is it okay to say, "now don't go falling in love with me." i don't think that is appropriate. most likely not, but what needs to be put out there, so no feelings get hurt. kisses. 

what do they mean? because i get a lot of those. i want to kiss your lips again. i can almost remember what it was like, especially that one night, week after we met. insane. but you know, i've worked hard to get where i am & now he has to work hard to have me.

it just can't be that easy. he has to always know that i am worth it.

everything he has to go through will be worth it because he'll have me & then it will be easier,
together.

i don't want to sleep with him now because i want to sleep with him for years. so i'll wait; for all these years, i'll wait, because  it will be exactly what we both want when it does happen. he says he wants it to mean something with me, and it will be. it will be what we both need and want because we waited, got to know each other & fell in love.

fallen in love with the good, the bad & worse. once you've been there, you know. so in the mean time i'll focus on me & learning. surround myself with interesting and smart people so i'll learn from them. i want to meet my potential. i have everything it takes to be a big deal. 

june 8 2011