primal.

the war i found with others. i want to be the insane one. dis to that... that once a spark has been lit, how shall you put it out.
the voice that can make me dance forever. when i have alcohol, different creatures take place and dance around. causing the utmost chaos, causing me to text and engage with those that i should maybe just leave alone. i am too loud with a girl friend and decide that a beautiful circle of friends is not enough  and that i selfishly disappear to make my own set of fun. its just not fair how i am. i am a selfish bitch that can't seem to stop staring and judging. but i am done lord. i want you to guide me to a better future. i want you to help carry me along the shoreline and bring me closer to home.

i am so blessed. ive counted all of my blessings and i remember them in a prayer. but because i am human, i will constantly long and ache for more. she wants passion, i want innocent love.
we want freedom? do we though, do we know what that really entails? no. we haven't a clue... so this "freedom" is just a temporary longing for what is to come.

i figured out life a bit tonight while just staring up... its about 57% love and 37% solitude.. the rest is food. i think that is how i feel. if you have those two in perfect proportion, then you are happy. im not sure but i think im on to something here. im suppose to be this "thing".
im so ignorant to what it is that i have. a gift that i hope not to throw away. i hope to keep it going.
please forgive me for i have sinned.