hide & seek.

the last twelve hours we twisted our lives together like the vines on an old tree. i think he sees me more clearly now... nearly naked in his bed.

we held onto each other like we were never going to let go. all the cards fell into place & and i must admit, i like the hand i have been dealt. i can't believe my world. 

i am severely gracious for those moments. the dirty messing life of tambourines and bruises. i suppose the black & blue marks are only temporary, but the brain can remember it as if it is always happening. 

i like the way he taste. when the skin holds between the folds... for a yummy surprise.

amongst all the chaos of the night... we stood in the kitchen, face to face and talked about our social anxieties. its the history that is giving me a good chance with this. we were all too fucked up to realize what we were saying... but i kept an eye on the groups that were mingling about.

he made me a cocktail... of whiskey, lemon and a dash of sugar. then he grabbed two cigarettes and put one in my mouth. we chained smoked all night with romantic touches and glances... he retired to his room and i was completely bored without his presence. i walked away... to what seemed to me at the time as discreet timing, but i'm sure there was a watchful eye. i underestimate how many people watch me. 

the room was dark and he put on the music... some tunes from the thirties & we began to play our usual game. tossing and turning each others bodies, me convulsing and shaking with the nervous energy that he causes my bones and stomach to turn. i remember the smell... the lighting and the angle in which he leaned in to kiss me. as almost a year has passed since our last... it was better this time than ever before. 

the morning came too soon and somehow we managed to get out of the night alive. i woke up to a thunderstorm outside; the rain being pelted into the open window. we snuggled in like cats for hours... he had a glass of whiskey in bed & we talked about life. sometimes i say really insane things to boys. i don't know what possesses me to let the words fall out of my mouth... the inappropriate letters that can't seem to stay inside of my weird brain. he said that i was comforting to him... i make him feel a bit more....how shall i say.... normal. 

"girl, in real life... i'm quite a mess." -hh