MORNING COLORS.

THE COLD TREMOR OF BREATH
WARMER THAN THE AIR
SURROUNDING OUR CRYSTAL
BLUE TINTED SKIN TONES
THAT APPEAL TO THE INNOCENCE
OF THE BEGINNING.

RARELY DOES THE SUN SEE
THIS ANGLE OF LIGHT
STARING INTO THE SHARP
CRISP PALE JURISDICTION
AND DECISION TO CREATE
SOMETHING NEW.

LETTING GO OF THE PRETENSE
THAT WE SHOULD MOVE
ON WITH THE WORLD
RATHER WE ARE STILL
TO ENHANCE OUR SENSES
AND STAY AWHILE.

PLACE SOUNDS TO SHAKE
THE SOUL'S INTERIOR
RIDDLED TO KEEP THE
ORGANIC FEEL AND TOUCH
OF ELEGANCE SHIFTS TO
THE TICK OF AFTERNOON.

11.13.13

I woke up tangled in sheets with the boy, he was behind me. I like the feel of our flesh pushed together in a scramble of morning mess.

I could feel him moving around early, he was feeling to see how comfortable I am with him... Not so much yet. 

I don't like it from behind, especially when I am some what unconscious. I can't figure out who it is... Bringing back ill feelings from the past. I think with time I could enjoy this style with him, but currently I need to see and hold him. 

Falling back to sleep for awhile.. Until the roofers showed up. They begin work at 8am and will be for the next few weeks... So I will be waking up much earlier. We laid tangled for many more hours; I was so comfortable that I didn't want to unravel, I did not want the moment to end. Hours later I need to feel him.. And the morning is a good out-of-body time for me, it just feels really raw. I love it when we smell and our whispers are raspy... "Get on top of me..." The way he asks and encourages with his tone makes me crazy... I hold onto him and I already begin to feel wet. I am horny and emotional this morning... The sex was wonderful. The wetness and feel of our naked souls pressing into one another was such a pleasure.. I could have it all day. After he couldn't take it anymore... Between the banging on the roof and the erotic movements of my body... He yelled and I tried to feel it too... Just looking into his face, eyes... Licking his lips... It had become too much and we had to finish. I stood up, dizzy and went to pee... We had left a candle burning from the night before, and I was covered in blood. 

"I think I killed you.." He laughed from the other room. I was wiping blood and so thankful that I wasn't pregnant. The night before I had worried and began to pray that I was indeed not... I have too much of this world to change to be captured by the responsibility of a child. And with him!? Oh dear, not yet. He asked me the night before if I could see myself with them... most likely not, though I have no control over my life plan. 

We laid back down and cuddle napped until the banging made me feel restless and I was ready to do my own banging. When I am near him I can't help but to touch him... To be intertwined in legs and arms. This time I needed to feel his weight on top... I need to see his shoulders working... The muscles tensing and releasing around his neck. I like to hold pressure at his neck and throat, to see just a touch of panic in this eyes.. Then a nervous smile. 

It feels so good... Everytime. Is this how he is with other girls? I am only occasionally like this with other boys, so it might be safe to say... I am a rare breed to him. His words "you won... congratulations, I like you.. " ring in my head now. But I am still vulnerable near him... He could be just trying to get a reaction from me... Like a good girlfriend of his said..."I am not one of your little whores." 

Paint me a field of yellow pansies 

And thorned rose bushes

To cross contaminate the

Urge to snap your pulse..

Thin thread like fibers

That trapped me into a whirl pool

of lust. 

i wish doll.

the irony of a parody.
hm.


so i cross paths with the love of my life.
so what?
i can handle this and..
harry.


i promise i can.
london explained #gem today, she resembles a few things i remember.
part girl part rockstar. (we explored this earlier)
and now NOW i see it all coming together.

hallelujah.

blessed are the meek.

matthew 5:5

one drop of wine will ruin an entire party.

pause.stop.go.

you can have time and no rhythm.
you can have rhythm and no time.

what happens when you have both?

i am just a continuum of the cycle now.
i see all the parallel lines and the essence of what is real...
what is imaginary?

living in the matrix.

causes me thoughts of panic and calm
equal balance
now i dream for more
i must keep the faith.

i must be quiet now. i am about to be .... exposed.

the biggest thing God is doing in your life is teaching you to TRUST Him, so faith usually leads you through the difficulty... not around it. 

vulnerable.

it is already beginning to hurt.

"he was strange in his ways... there may be a change in the tide". - the tills

the eames couple changed the world together.
creative thrills and spills of emotions
in the 901 warehouse in venice beach, ca.

i am so close.... things are moving slow. but in actuality... they are racing with the speed of light.
tiny scraps of paper and pieces of creative thoughts in the round-about of my square.
now i rush and race around.
i took a nice nap yesterday.
it may as well be my last moment of sleep.

the illusion of time.


put on your dancing shoes
we are about to show the world
that love is a real bizarre
presence only one of
spiritual existence can
grab hold of.

the ones that rejoice in him
will be set free and will
forever live in his


sunshine.
eternal sunshine.

sunshine... you are my sunshine.

shades of gray.

I spend plenty of time now shading small details with pencil. They start to look 'real' towards the end, but you have to push through the unseen to find the final result. The lips series will be a challenge, my first one was inspired by the lips that I love. The lips that I have touched before in my past; tasted their venom.. become caught up in their poison. Once you have them... You always crave more. The lips alone will speak for themselves... Little quirks and smirks to describe a feeling once had.

So I relax, there is no where in this world that I would rather be. Opening up more doors than I know what to do with... I peer inside just a few. "The boy" stands in a dark doorway... With just a small light flickering. Candles lit... A luring grin. He bites his lower lip and lowers his head down, so I can only see his eyes lost in the brow. The shadows of my past tell me to be cautious... But a dangerous feeling is something that I seek.

Closing my eyes I am alone. I prefer to keep them open from now on. I want to take note of all the details.

whoa.

bloody morning makes for the best...
disgustingly ravenous bedroom adventure.

the destroying of the roof added to the dramatic effect. the change in lighting helps.

what compels us to each other like wild animals? what does this?
i said prayers last night to ease my pain, everything will be fine. i felt like i was drowning last night... now i feel free again. funny little prayers.

standing in the doorway with an electric guitar in the background... dark shadow sounds. the private party that has become our life together. we have this time to be in solitude, because it is only going to get more...

This time.. I see always.

"Is that a poem?" I ask... "Sure".
It was not, but this proves my theory of each action results in a different reaction, depending of course on the person's current frame of mind...

I think of it as my personal love poem.
That one day he may... Or may not recite to me.
It is rather irrelevant to me, I may fall down... I shall get back up.

Oh yea. I take risks. "Rambling woman.. With a gambling soul."
I feel I've aged myself centuries the past few weeks... So far into another world.

Last night I dreamed that I was fussing with my mother about how if she had more faith in me.. I would be more successful. Is it that I don't have faith in myself? I fell asleep early and slept lightly.. Going in and out with worrisome thoughts. My prayer practice has increased.. At this point, it is all that I have left. Prayer & Faith.

"sometimes not being there is even more punk rock..." -jinx

truth.
fuller and i are in LA and NYC and today we laughed about just wanting to be home at the show... silly girls.

my night was calmly bizarre. i had all the reassurance that i needed for one tiny girl.
i say my prayers, doze off and wake only to feel energized by the early morning hours.
i feel the need to carry on several conversations now... i listen to the tills in honor of their first halloween appearance in asheville on the east side... if only i could be there. it is going to be such a monumental show.. that only a select few will see.

but this is my journey. "wow, he really set you free.."
yes he did.
that is what he does when you choose to love him.