The once was.

I remember sitting at the bar in the middle of winter laughing about how I had already passed my prime. Our dinner dates were random and we acted like a married couple of several years. He gave me blunt advice, quite the salty sailor.  Anchors that hold him steady in the ocean. He was correct, my body isn't in her early twenties... Unfortunate that I didn't get a photo. Once ago I had great legs and  worried about when they would leave me. Now I'd just rather not look. These legs get me from point a to b. they support my never ending effort to explore. I'm thankful they are small... I miss everything from the past today.

My present alarms me. Am I psychic? Or do I analyze the context clues better than others? I only need a few clues and then I can create answers. The mystery of my family history. The strangeness of the separation. At times it's just easier to escape town, then you don't have to live with the past. The trail of your ancestors. Fortunately I can make my own path now. 

The long cloak trails me. The heavy blood line that flows through my veins. I don't know much about it; best that I don't search. Those around me can feel the energy. It fills the room...  

Poem life.

When lives collide
In our parallel universe
The ribbons & highways
That connect our souls.

The fragile dance of days
Jump around in chaotic
Circles when you are absent
From my realm.

The silence of flustered
Late night lost gestures
That disappear
In the morning light.

Don't forget to remember
All the little forces
Of coincidence
That brought us congruent.

The timing is off just a bit ...
Our days are numbered
With shortcomings
That inhibit our love.

cigs.

the beauty of it all is the innocence.  sex isn't everything.  as a matter of fact...it's the ugly side of intimacy.  the moment when you have given too much of yourself... you are exhausted and it just doesn't feel good anymore.  the thing is... it's so childish.  everything feels so good with him.  laying with him feels nice... our bodies fit together well.  i wish that i didn't need to be so out of it to fit with him... i'm just a strange creature these days.  it hurts he doesn't understand what he does to me.  nonchalant.  the charm in the simple matters.  it is what it is really... a simple young longing.  the chemicals do good for my body.  they help keep me inspired, keep me alive.  keep me needing more.... thank you.