Just imagine.

The type you fall in love with. The stunning view. "The new girl"... Our town is quite the same, except my best friend lives on this end. Slow the pace to make it work. Withering away all my things. Listening to "these days" by the black keys. The devil he listens well... Once you go that way. Hearing the crash of the ocean; I could get some good writing done. A group of people that notice if I'm around, if I just happen to not come home.
I can envision it now. Reassures me that first "dates" do indeed come along and sweep you off your feet. Natural selection. The universe places you together for a reason.

Last night was interesting. It was an event that I thought I wanted to attend, come to find out... It was boring. All the boys the same... And the ones that wear that "famous" clothing... Well they are not at all famous. Quite the opposite really... Poor kids posing as fakes. I'm not impressed with this anymore. All the potential is now gone... If you don't do something before you are twenty five, well you wasted a few years. That's all.

empty glass full.

Now is the time to stop and listen. What is that sound?  Live music always brings me back to life. Especially when it is meant for my ears only.  I want to slow down and breathe in the essence of what is happening.  Unfortunately I just keep going ... Faster.

The sights to see.  A familiar taste, the left coast. Seeing the surfers and ocean  motion reminded me that it will be alright. A few new sights and some positive ions; does  wonders with the soul. A new side of life, time to flip the cassette. 

Conversations with silence. Then thoughts to music.  A jazzy string quartet was the entertainment, a cup of jasmine tea.  Sounds marvelous. It is refreshing to see civilized humans admiring talent.  The uniqueness of the band was lovely, the company was smart.  I'm into genius currently, flattered with lost souls earlier, now I'm interested in the discovery of brilliance.  It's going to take a team of people, not just one, to build walls of wisdom with me. Several great minds, each one bringing a notion to the table.  Change is going to be the answer. 

"Once you set your mind to something, the body is soon to follow."-Matthew Stewart 

He sang songs of love and following your desire. There is something calming about the repetitive trance his style placed me in.  The strings danced around and gave me visions of the salsa number with him.  The contact of our eyes and skin, leaking out bits of saline and hidden emotion... The passion.  I lust after it for the time being.  Body language speaks volumes.

Discovery. Rest and music.  Rinse and repeat.  Feelings of empty.. Give it back to me, let me feel again.  The song by ray lamontange says it best.. "I've been to hell and back so many times you kinda bore me."  This speaks for me now, the fact I was able to hear it live.. Acoustic .. A blessing in disguise. I've been revived, the sound waves and ocean salt felt like home.

Kansas. 2.3.12

"Can you teach me how to dance ... real slow".  

Thirteen hours across the flat and open fields, the piece of America that is still unoccupied. The land generates wind power... Their majestic silhouettes grace the curves of central Kansas. It's a beautiful day, feels like spring. It's brighter out here, the air is clean and simple. I imagine the small population is as well. I found my dream plantation home out there... Acres of green grass, trees and a few old barns.  Perhaps I wish to raise all six children in the middle of an innocent land, one where I can enhance their isolation; it makes for an imaginative mind.  I want to put brilliance out into this world.. It must be the responsibility of someone, our world is  struggling. Frantically searching for a great mind. One that will make all the difference. 

Dreams-the chance to step out of reality and see color and light. Unfortunately not everyone can see. For I once was lost... But now I am found.

I can imagine a bit of an outcome now. One that is a new world. A new place in time... A new career.  I have big plans for my life now. It's a now or never kinda thing.  At twenty five.. I am now leaving my home to make a name for myself... Change a life... Build an empire.  It just takes a few of the greatest minds to combine... Become a family and then they can be something. Something that is what everyone needs. 

The past few days have been a roller coaster of emotion.  A lot of spontaneous gestures.. I'm a slow changing chameleon. Nonetheless I adjust. I guess it comes from years of siblings... Sisters even.  Quite an accomplishment to survive that childhood.  The hormones and rage.. The love and beauty.  I have become inspired from leaving everything that I adore... 

The west coast will be an unexpected moment, when I do actually arrive. The sun will shine, the opportunities loom. Tea party with my Ali cat, maybe even a sushi date.  I need to focus on me.. My crazy/fantastical life.. It's not anyone's business but my own.   He will recognize me one day, from across a very large and dark room. I pray sooner than later... But I doubt.  Until then I have a few songs that remind me of his voice.  And dreams to remember our bodies together. Why does it always come back to this? Why is it that we just need to be held? To be needed? "Crash into me". DMB