"The bands were like the glue."

Sitting still of a while yesterday evening gave me a chance to collect my thoughts. The realization of the present sits... Still. A bit of music goes a long way. Watching a documentary of the beginning of sixties rock in the U.k. Made me realize a few things... Lots of drugs take a toll on your body. It makes your brain tick a little differently. Changes the sights and shapes. Alters the long term outcome. 

They had something no one did. The edge or advantage because they were new. Playing five to seven minute songs, the unique live shows... Throwing around sounds for hours that kept their fans enticed and in a trance of a spinning daze. Most of them were tripping on acid anyway... They are Pink Floyd. Anonymous makers of sound... A light show of sorts. The first to use colored liquid on slides to create liquid lava lights... Hiding their identity, their faces.  It's the sections that were never recorded that bring the most memory. A free fall over a minor chord... 

The mix of pride and shame is the story of the west. You give up everything for the greatest adventure of your life. The struggle to remain yourself.  The west is the most powerful energy... It is the regenerative source of America. 

No one can argue something that comes from within. We are humans... Some of it is marvelous.  Some of it was horrible. 

Either way it is done now. So I'm listening to the signs and assessing the damage. The fear. My brain breaks down the worry at night ... Giving me weird visions and illusions. Waking up to remain out of the false feelings.. The false occurrence of something so scary. Except my life here is real. Those dreams are not.

History will indeed repeat its self, where else is there to go? "Round and round on this merry go 'round". It's only a matter of time before the youth must stop being so naive and realize that 'we' are the change we wish to see. Such a waste, most of our youth.. Clouded with a messy loop of unnecessary priorities... Scrambled by the distraction of technology. Taking over the world at an uncanny rate... No one can slow it down. So it's up to us to keep up or get left behind. I choose to use my body and skills to better mankind... Please grant me strength and confidence to make this real. 

Sage.

( noun)

a profoundly wise person; a person famed for wisdom.

someone venerated for the possession of wisdom, judgment, and experience.

- adjective

wise, judicious, or prudent: sage advice.

Listening to music breathes life into me. Their love gives me hope. So far I've received all I've asked for. I didn't I know I would feel such pain. Such sadness and despair, I am relieved that I can't actually predict the future.  But the options overwhelm me, that is what brought me here.

So I stay alone a few days and hear my thoughts again. I come to terms that Christmas will be spent alone. I have accepted the idea, it sounds relaxing after the past few wild weeks. The separation from society seems refreshing. I actually want it now, the ocean. That is mine to have now... So off to see good friends, family actually, in Vegas. These two boys mean the world to me. Since we were fourteen they have drove me mad. But they have always taken care of me. They love me. I am the strong woman I am today because of all those boys. 

The morning was nice, you wouldn't know by all the tears. I have so much emotion. Just crying. It's ok to cry. It may be a sign of weakness, but it shows that you are human...then you have a revaluation of your life; yoga. 

On the cliff, bare winter trees allow the sun to actually bath you in energy. The view is breathtaking. I fell in love. I was thankful to be there. The clouds were pale, the colors will stick with me. Cool dark blue tones, those right before or after the storm. Tears streamed down my face while I practiced, breathing. The release of the tension. The healing power that you and the earth have. Together. I felt comfortable to let the saline stream fall, it gave  me a different energy that allowed me to move forward. Towards the end, I felt like a child, laughing and massaging  my feet, letting go of the past. All the trials. All the walking. The distance from me now is further. 

I wanted to say thank you after, I was grateful for the beautiful red head, brine, that graced my life and helped make me smile.  A woman of grace and power. Confident and very free from stress or pain. One day I will be her again. I noticed immediately after... a guy, nothing special... I felt that I needed to meet him. Minutes later I spoke up, and he said all the right things. All the things I needed to hear. He was curious. "It took a lot of strength to do what you just did". I wonder if he saw the sadness... I laughed. He was sad about how he missed his past and who he used to be.. But he realized that he already had that. He was happy he had it, now it is time to grow. He said it was the best and perfect time to show up to the west coast. The new world is upon us. I feel the heaviness of that wave, I've experienced it in a way that words will never describe, but that is life. I want to be a part of this movement in a way that no one understands. I want change and to make a difference. I want to be creative and balanced in life.  

I do see these visions of light everyday. I see them so perfectly. So epically that I have faith in my life. This new world I just discovered. Now to be discovered. Then I can make a change. 

Famous 

(adjective)

--having a widespread reputation, usually of a favorable nature; renowned; celebrated: a famous writer.

--Informal.  first-rate; excellent: The singer gave a famous performance.

--notorious (used pejoratively).

I'm only satisfied when I'm going somewhere... So I need to be able to move. To escape. To explore. That takes time, but I tasted it. As long as I have a few weeks.. Even just days to rest and be still.. Then I'm anxious to move again. I am blessed that this is my calling. I wished to be in an airport. Here I go...