"The bands were like the glue."

Sitting still of a while yesterday evening gave me a chance to collect my thoughts. The realization of the present sits... Still. A bit of music goes a long way. Watching a documentary of the beginning of sixties rock in the U.k. Made me realize a few things... Lots of drugs take a toll on your body. It makes your brain tick a little differently. Changes the sights and shapes. Alters the long term outcome. 

They had something no one did. The edge or advantage because they were new. Playing five to seven minute songs, the unique live shows... Throwing around sounds for hours that kept their fans enticed and in a trance of a spinning daze. Most of them were tripping on acid anyway... They are Pink Floyd. Anonymous makers of sound... A light show of sorts. The first to use colored liquid on slides to create liquid lava lights... Hiding their identity, their faces.  It's the sections that were never recorded that bring the most memory. A free fall over a minor chord... 

The mix of pride and shame is the story of the west. You give up everything for the greatest adventure of your life. The struggle to remain yourself.  The west is the most powerful energy... It is the regenerative source of America. 

No one can argue something that comes from within. We are humans... Some of it is marvelous.  Some of it was horrible. 

Either way it is done now. So I'm listening to the signs and assessing the damage. The fear. My brain breaks down the worry at night ... Giving me weird visions and illusions. Waking up to remain out of the false feelings.. The false occurrence of something so scary. Except my life here is real. Those dreams are not.

History will indeed repeat its self, where else is there to go? "Round and round on this merry go 'round". It's only a matter of time before the youth must stop being so naive and realize that 'we' are the change we wish to see. Such a waste, most of our youth.. Clouded with a messy loop of unnecessary priorities... Scrambled by the distraction of technology. Taking over the world at an uncanny rate... No one can slow it down. So it's up to us to keep up or get left behind. I choose to use my body and skills to better mankind... Please grant me strength and confidence to make this real. 

Love letters

The unusual display of affection. Words are an art form of them selves. They are the side door to the soul.. The intimacy of a written letter. I dream of getting a love letter.. That piece of something that means someone has time for you.  Time to sit down and create feelings with hand written blurbs from the heart.  No eraser, no spell check. If done in pen... Permanent. Actually I use letters a lot, it helps me get my feelings out... It's not always the best idea.

I'm going to give old romance a chance.  It's worth a try, I need some passion  soon.  She said it was on his list.

Today was beautiful.  Breakfast first with a lovely lady... Some browsing in Mission San Fran. The fabric store inspired me... I remembered how I used to sew all of my dolls clothes... And after seeing Diane Von Furstenburgs watercolor clothes sketches... I'm going to make my own French girl dresses... French girl with a modern east/west coast flair. To stand out, yet blend in.  

I love our phone conversations.. It's a feeling I haven't had in awhile.  Just hearing his voice brings a smile to my life.  He sang me songs and reassured my doubts.  I miss him, I miss our time.  Soon though I believe we will be together, that is a thing I've wanted for some time.  I think we know already that we will coexist well, we've already tested the water. For now it's cool to the touch.  He knows me well... I think he misses me too.  It's quite a feeling to know you are loved, I hope I can return the favor. 

sly fox.

the thing about three am
you never know what will happen
in a land of darkness
and lost streets.
miike snow made an appearance
it was two steps away from
the light that led me away...
the furthest from a clear stance.
infatuation is a more relevant description of life on the high land.
if u could see the eyes
i would.. then quickly press pause
to rest.  its a stunning moment to
realize the unrealistic.  today was a breath of fresh air.. the second day when the white flare is too much and
really just the thought of him & water
is enough. two in the morning doesnt seem that far away... i dont want to deal with it... its something when just "one song"
is enough to hold me down.

everytime i close my eyes, it's like a dark paradiseno one compares to you
i'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side
everytime i close my eyes, it's like a dark paradiseno one compares to you
i'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side. 
but there's no you... except in my dreams tonight.

-dark paradise-lana del rey