Welcome to California

Three thousand miles ago... We are across the country. Far away from our past. Onward to who I strive to become.

The time will come when I can leave at any moment. Jet setting and fashion shows. A few classes and maybe even a hair salon.  Those are just to name a few.. Maybe a yacht and an island home. All this takes time and patience, perseverance and timing. Timing is everything.  I'm ready to cross the line and make something happen. 

Everything is different. But I feel a sense of calm now that we are finally here. I experienced some tension along the way, I now have a second to breathe.  Just one breath. The cars move along now quickly and consecutively... Symbolizing how quickly life passes by and the thing you always dreamed of is done and over. The cross country trip I dreamed of... Is done.  What a beautiful experience. I may have slept through a bit of it... But I've always slept at inopportune times. 

sly fox.

the thing about three am
you never know what will happen
in a land of darkness
and lost streets.
miike snow made an appearance
it was two steps away from
the light that led me away...
the furthest from a clear stance.
infatuation is a more relevant description of life on the high land.
if u could see the eyes
i would.. then quickly press pause
to rest.  its a stunning moment to
realize the unrealistic.  today was a breath of fresh air.. the second day when the white flare is too much and
really just the thought of him & water
is enough. two in the morning doesnt seem that far away... i dont want to deal with it... its something when just "one song"
is enough to hold me down.

(12.2.12)

The anger of being uncomfortable... "That means you are doing something." I'm upset because I'm over it.. As much fun as it should be... I'd rather just do it all alone sometimes. It is just who I am. Not everyone can be so happy... The world would be lame if that were the case. We'd all just smile and get along. Instead I would rather be angry. It is going to toughen  the skin that I own. The skin that is thin... I just want an actual companion now.. Instead of drunken lost souls. Alcohol makes things a mess. He must be able to be sober with me. Being drunk isn't a good look. Seeing it on her made me realize what a waste...

I pray he comes soon, I'm starting to lose faith that I even deserve anyone to hold. Someone who is quiet and understands that brilliance is far beyond words. It is a sense of calm in the chaos. It is understanding the world... It is understanding yourself and standing your ground.  It is stopping to breathe... The fresh air that renews us, even if all of your friends would just rather pollute your surroundings. God please clean the air.