Monday, October 29, 2012

coastal chaos.

"When I need help, can't call for help
  Cause no one comes...

So I'm calling fire, fire, fire, fire
  Burn, burn, burn, burn, burn
  And only fire, fire, fire, fire for you." - Delta Rae

the storm the threatens to turn everyone's life upside down.  it came so quickly and with surprise that no one really had time to prepare.  the ocean is angry, tearing down piers, houses, and memories.  it washed away the road that i traveled all summer.  the rising tides are unpredictable and all we can do is wait.  for three days we wait.

things will be different in a few days.  we will piece it all back together with time, some things will be replaced, others will exist only in pictures and thoughts.  it's hard to let some of these things go... they have been around for so many years.  this "frankenstorm" will be just a blip in the history of the tiny island where we live.  only the tough will survive... we who seek out adventure and wild.  we get exactly that.

my adventure will be post-poned for a few days.  i get a sense of relief, now i get a few extra minutes to stop and think.  the last few weeks have been a whirlwind of goodbyes... you learn who loves you when you decide to leave.  i feel the love.  i guess i knew i was... but sometimes its just nice to hear it.  i've shed quite a few tears this last week.  all the feelings are finally setting in.  it doesn't help that a natural disaster is now threatening my home.  the extra time is now where i am.  preparing myself for the change of a lifetime.  its a change that i must make, now or never.  i could just stay put in the comfort of my island life, but where will that get me?  comfortable can make you crazy.  i feel like i'm just treading water... 

drowning.  the business i was working for... drowning.  the relationship that i thought i wanted... drowned.  he's a sinking ship.  the dreams and ambitions... inspiration; drowning in the sea.  so now i jump ship to a new world.  the weeks to follow are unpredictable, but i have only good feelings about my move.  things on the west coast are completely different.  so different that i may not even recognize myself... but i'll try to keep grounded.  i've been told that i know myself more than most twenty somethings.  i'll try to hold true to me, for as long as possible.  

"who do you think you are?!?" - he screams.
      i know who i am.  an artist.  a stylist.  a friend.  a daughter.  a beauty.  a dreamer.  a confidant.  a pleasure.  an inspiration.  a giver.  a believer.  a yogi.  a dancer.  a lover.  and so much more.  but an "empty mannequin"...  he'll soon learn that i am far - far - from empty.

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