the regretfulness lingers of the day and how i used up too many minutes with my eyes closed. i missed a colorful sunset and the chance to stretch under the full moon. i missed too many kisses from my lover because the timing was cut too short. damn it, i feel so emotionally angered at my negligence to recognize all the beauty that is my current life here on the west coast.
all within the past and future days, cells in my body have been moving and shifting with such rapid speed that i can hardly keep them contained. spilling out over a mess of silver blue curls... i let my hair down for the weekend and get all the important things packed away in bags, zipped up to the brim and ready to be thrown under the airplane.
the assistance and inconsistent consistency of trains guide us toward one another as we meet at union station late saturday afternoon, our time is broadened only by mere minutes that we make it back to a place of rest. i can't believe that he is real, standing at the station patiently awaiting my arrival. we are nervous and quiet until we board the blue line back to downtown, he grabs my leg and i lay my head on his shoulder... at last i feel at peace.
we are at a fast paced peace of trying to piece together what scraps of time we have left, only hours that keep counting themselves down with no mercy for our needs. the evening we collect is full of holding each other so tight, kisses that feel better than i could ever remember... and his mouth placed along the gift that i have given to him. my body aches and craves his essence. fingers placed delicately in the folds of what is my soul bearing temple of light. he has the touch to make it all release.
we eat a late night meal under the moon's white blue light and i can't even begin to understand the beauty that we have become. for a speck of time i stare in awe of this silhouette, curious to how it became what it is today. all the tears i have cried over the past year for and with this boy... now i see clearly. he is a mirage ====== something of my imagination ====== i've never seen someone so stunningly, tragically, perfectly, defined and femininely organized exactly to my taste. i am in love.
many more "first" later, i have to accomplish these goals. driving a car across the state together early in the sunday morning is time we can remember. he said tonight that it felt like a comedic romantic movie as i drove off, he watched me go and worried that i wouldn't maintain alone. i did well and enjoyed this little bit of freedom to travel along the fast tracks of the california freeway. only to be let down by the text message that his job was a flaw and we could've just stayed together instead.
now that we are separated i can't seem to put us back together again in any fashion that fits and the tears continue to fall... down my cheeks and neck out of pure helplessness for the lost situation. i am furious that i won't be able to hold him or be held for nearly two months.... that when we do join, everything will be different. it will have fallen down to the change of seasons and we will have to adjust to these... new figures.