Wednesday, October 15, 2014

flight 782 to LAX.

the day was an odd collection of events, separated by spans of time that kept me still. it was lovely travels to the airport with the sister... passing through country fields of yellow and fluffy white clouds in such an autumn blue sky. i arrived a bit too early for my first flight... which turned into delay after delay after delay. deciding to stay entertained i walked over to the bar across from A5 to have some soup and a hot tea, joining my cup was a splash of jim. doodling triangles on a napkin and making small talk over text messages... until my flight was supposed to board. one hour turned to almost two and we were finally in the air somewhere over virginia. taking the time to quickly fall asleep... as not to think too much about the continuance of my flights.

awake at the time i was supposed to board my next flight... we have yet to touch the ground. in an interior panic i tried to imagine my next moves. feeling stranded and a bit helpless, i patiently waited to exit the plane... in hopes that a miracle would appear. B7 was magically just across the way and in more of a surprise... the plane was waiting for me. each seat was accounted for with an exception of maybe three towards the back, i took my chances beside what felt like a perfect stranger. normally the middle seat wouldn't even tempt me in the least... but this felt "right". i was still shaking and a bit frazzled from the thought of what chaos could've occurred. he began to say words that sounded comforting. judging by his clear blue eyes and blond curls... i think we've met before.

"where are you from? where are you going? .... welcome to los angeles" he spilled out into the stagnant jet plane air. before i had time to process his friendliness ... he was already figuring me out. it felt good to hear his voice, some how the sound comforted me. my anxiety began to settle and soon a wave of calm fell over my body... "you live in Long Beach too?" he stammered. "yes, yes indeed". in amazement i looked into his eyes, he is so easy to look into... to see. i took time to assess his demeanor, his lips... teeth... his curls... all of which felt real. within only minutes i realized that this flight across the country would be much different from all the rest.

just after six after six the plane left earth and proceeded to ten thousand feet above what i used to know. pain was still dwelling inside of me and it took a moment for me to relax and let this one even get close... it took him only a few minutes to pull out pasta and pizza, letting all tray tables down so we could have dinner. with only one fork to share for the meal... enjoying the company. in a very "first date" odd fashion we barely touched the food and instead filled ourselves with words, questions and random bits of insight... then he took his earbuds out of his bag and gave me the left one, he took the right and began to play for us a very intense collection of music. pulling out books of poems and graphic design manuals... i read rumi's collection of wisdom, delicately remembering the details of these love poem's and of course relating them to my own personal situation. it felt right to just absorb his thoughts and sounds with our souls in common, but surrounded in silence.

"i'll take a hot tea... and jack on the side"

"they have hot tea? oh... i would love some"

my drink of choice is something that he has chosen to not indulge in... sober triumphs and i resist the urge to participate, but instead continue on about my own path. i am indeed my own self and for this he is intrigued. "darling" my stomach clinches and i can feel this coldness in my heart, as if it hurts too much to recognize what just happened... what is clearly happening here. his charming ways twirling about and i am almost compelled to become vulnerable, but instead i resist my own temptation of advising this theory. we are too entranced in this first impression that i keep the innocence as he uses his words to reveal as many secrets as possible. without hesitation he goes on about this "twin flame" of his... i can relate and with pure amazement in my understanding he tells me even more. showing him the infinite light of the overlapping candles and their matching flames, it is the small overlap that causes bliss, the rest is unrealistic pain. but it is in people's darkness that we feel and learn the most about others... it is the shadows that we reveal a true human. in human form we experience and feel the emotions, moments fleeting but the feelings are left to linger. now what? several hours later, we are still caught up in one another and i can feel some sort of energy being placed back inside... discussing the details of quantum entanglement and how the vibrations span across the universe, creating different pulses with each other's own revelations. it is the other relationships that we possess that enhance that one true one... the truth is that without all the other colors, we can not create the masterpiece.

pulling on power cords i decided to display only what feels good... the rest can be saved for another day and time. i am too excited and i suppose the caffeinated tea excelled my heart rate to exceed its normal feeling alive is something that i haven't felt since my flame flickered out... of reach. even if we never see each other again... the likelihood of that is unlikely.  a magnetic pull is a force that even well disciplined depression can not fight. i do not wish to fight it, but instead i am going to let this one simmer. we finish the almost six hour journey with more songs and laughter over a text that his mom sent him about being at an art gallery in DC... "i don't want to look at it anymore... it is too much" she said in an anxious way, as if she was completely exhausted. i felt the same.

he put me over the edge and we pinky promised that we would let things unfold as they would... he walked me to baggage, collected my number in his pharaoh covered iPhone... after which a hug and a comment about my curls... he was gone.

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