1.10.13 evening

Mamihlapinatapei (Yagan, an indigenous language of Tierra del Fuego): The wordless yet meaningful look shared by two people who desire to initiate something, but are both reluctant to start. 

Yuanfen (Chinese): A relationship by fate or destiny. This is a complex concept. It draws on principles of predetermination in Chinese culture, which dictate relationships, encounters and affinities, mostly among lovers and friends.

Cafuné (Brazilian Portuguese): The act of tenderly running your fingers through someone's hair.

Retrouvailles (French):  The happiness of meeting again after a long time. 

Ilunga (Bantu): A person who is willing to forgive abuse the first time; tolerate it the second time, but never a third time.

La Douleur Exquise (French): The heart-wrenching pain of wanting someone you can’t have.

Koi No Yokan (Japanese): The sense upon first meeting a person that the two of you are going to fall into love. 

Ya’aburnee (Arabic): “You bury me.” It’s a declaration of one’s hope that they’ll die before another person, because of how difficult it would be to live without them.

Forelsket: (Norwegian):  The euphoria you experience when you’re first falling in love.

Saudade (Portuguese): The feeling of longing for someone that you love and is lost. Another linguist describes it as a "vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist."

i was very excited to "stumble upon" this tonight. it explains so much. today was a good day. 

read the full article at: http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1T64Y6/bigthink.com/marriage-30/the-top-10-relationship-words-that-arent-translatable-into-english?page=all/

Alternate ending.

I didn't expect to part with her so soon, but our paths separated. She doesn't see her path, so she goes about constantly discovering new.  I have to stop here and make a life. I need a place. I need space. 

Lesson learned. Life changed in an instant. Envision a new outcome, new future. Keeps me on my toes. Thank goodness I stretch, else I wouldn't be so flexible. I have seen all this before, I can feel the "deja vu". 

So I think I'm in the right path. Wandering along, it's dark now. Led  strictly on faith. Trying to trust my instincts. It feels good to be released.

I am a troubled soul though. The world weighs on me, it's not an easy life. As it appears from the outside. There is more responsibility than I even realize. To keep my mind. Health and body balanced. It is the basis behind my career. My life goals. I have a feeling it's going to be a lonely life... Yet full of so many relationships... I just can't keep them long. The dependence is too much for me now because my task is.. Unknown. So I must stay prepared. 

So the saga continues... Just when you think it is done. It's never done. Or over  I suppose. 

Can the crazy please leave

My body for just a day

And let me see like all

The other mindless souls

Wandering this earth

Naive to the power they posses.

So they cling to other

Beauty on the outside

Tricking those who aren't paying

Attention to detail.

Release this tension

That won't leave my shoulders

Carrying too much weight for 

One small girl to handle.

September 2012

the hope that humans are one

Loving soul connected by a spirit

That love can move mountains

And god created the world

That we can love each other

Truly and accept the hurt from others

That the faith keeps us grounded

And safe in vicious times.

The earth is a temporary haven

For good souls to convince

Others to join along...

Earth is their hell. Even then

They choose to not believe 

Sun tasted so good...

Until the last bite. It hurts.

Crawls up your spine and convinces 

You to look at the dark

Corners of people's souls...

Bringing out chaos and trauma

The pain hurts us here on earth

The lighter days are ahead of us

Where we will run with our father

Once again children... Of God. 

novelty.

"No wonder lovers talk all night or walk till dawn, write extravagant poetry and self-revealing e-mails, cross continents or oceans to hug for just a weekend, change jobs or lifestyles, even die for one another. Drenched in chemicals that bestow focus, stamina and vigor, and driven by the motivating engine of the brain, lovers succumb to a Herculean courting urge."-helen fisher

it's the love that is changing everything.  i have noticed that it is the difference in excitement and sleep.  honestly if there is no chance in seeing him... i'd rather just rest.  i have a lot to accomplish without him...

now i just focus on the music.  i focus on the chords, the nerves and the lyrics.  

recent studies showed that listening to your favorite music has a similar effect on your brain as other pleasure-inducing activities like having sex.

MRI and PET scans reveal that when you listen to music that excites you, your brain releases dopamine during the most exciting moments of the song and even in anticipation of those moments.

i suppose that is why i enjoy music so much.. i listen to it at any moment of the day.  it's what keeps me awake, revamps my life.  forever... i could listen to the songs.  the songs he sings to me... one day. i'll have my own soundtrack.

research shows that love opens doors of the brain... it allows us to relax and really begin to dive deep into the realms of creativity that otherwise you would be too distracted to realize.  it's tough to slow down enough... the black and white creativity.  he has to sleep with the tv on.  i had to turn it off.  the noise is just nonsense... at least we focused on the comedy of classics. 

Dr. Fisher offers three key components of love, involving different but connected brain systems:

• Lust — driven by androgens and estrogens, the craving for sexual gratification
• Attraction — driven by high dopamine and norepinephrine levels and low serotonin, romantic or passionate love, characterized by euphoria when things are going well, terrible mood swings when they’re not, focused attention, obsessive thinking, and intense craving for the individual
• Attachment — driven by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, the sense of calm, peace, and stability one feels with a long-term partner

She goes on to point out that serotonin-enhancing antidepressants also inhibit other evolutionary adaptive mechanisms for mate selection, such as orgasm.

i just enjoy my alone time.  the time i have to be quiet.  i hope he knows quiet with me... i hope he enjoys that silent lust too.  the attraction is what we are creating.  the attachment is what we grow old with.

Just consider how much learning happens when you choose a mate. Along with thrilling dependency comes glimpsing the world through another’s eyes; forsaking some habits and adopting others (good or bad); tasting new ideas, rituals, foods or landscapes; a slew of added friends and family; a tapestry of physical intimacy and affection; and many other catalysts, including a tornadic blast of attraction and attachment hormones — all of which revamp the brain. 

If you’re in a healthy relationship, holding your partner’s hand is enough to subdue your blood pressure, ease your response to stress, improve your health and soften physical pain. We alter one another’s physiology and neural functions.

During idylls of safety, when your brain knows you’re with someone you can trust, it needn’t waste precious resources coping with stressors or menace. Instead it may spend its lifeblood learning new things or fine-tuning the process of healing. Its doors of perception swing wide open. The flip side is that, given how vulnerable one then is, love lessons — sweet or villainous — can make a deep impression. Wedded hearts change everything, even the brain.

-the brain on love, diane ackerman

so i understand a bit more.  the worry is natural.  the love is becoming... i just need to experience a new level now.  with both of our talents... we will be able to discover even the smallest realms.  i can feel it.  both of us are weird animals.. ones that delve deep into the sea of odd.  we are the epidemy of awkward.  he thinks the same about himself.  now if only he could except that a bizarre bird like me could be the one for him.  i believe in monogamy... do you?