felt the end of an era last night. felt the subtle linger of summer's end... when the falling of your love is crawling on the floor. it was a good run... a good way to spend the beginning. remembering the first night i laid eyes of him. remembering the feeling of "how could this be? where did these guys come from? who are they?" and now i know. the four years that flew through in a rage of great hair and legs... the essence of elvis, the beatles, james brown... him. i found him. i fell in love with him.
i could see the sorrow in his face... if i caught a reflection i could've seen it in mine. but instead i masked my truth with a grand distraction of dancing. i could feel that it was going to be the last time that i felt the energy that so heavily influenced my world today. the art. the calling. the lovers and the friends.
im with the band. fuller called us and made sure we would be there... oh of course my model and i were running late. we were busy trying to rationalize our lives and futures in the wood paneled oceanfront house. i needed this time with her to over analyze the critical moments. the sections of your life that only a true lover can help you digest.
i suppose the entire day was one of goodbyes. leaving for good this time. releasing the light and energy back into the world. no longer does he hold the flame. he blew it out so quickly i hardly noticed until the darkness set in.. and i had to rely on my own.
like a candle in the night, energized with just a bit of a new taste of white... and the sounds of a ukelele. the four strings felt heavenly with longing for something. some droplet of hope that can make me relax and breathe again... the inspiring breath of life. taken all from me ... the one look i got from him was enough. the eye contact was a magnetic field that pulled him in just one last time. knowing that it was real... from the wink that proves he knows something that i do not... nor will i ever know. until my dying day... i will never know what i did to make him lose me.
"i feel like we have grown up... like we have graduated on to something more." said fuller.
the rain fell from the sky in ice sixlets that pierced my skin and made me shiver. making me shake from the loneliness that is my wandering soul. using my eyes to listen, falling in love with myself all over again. fuller always helps. she is in the front line of my life for good reason... helping pick up the pieces that i left on the floor of all the dives on this island. the boys that take from me. my soul wouldn't be the same without these questionable times.
"but now it is time to say goodbye, girl." hh