silver & gold.

the perfect shade of the palest of blue now intertwine amongst the long tendrils. i am sure that before the end of time i will have figured her  out.

the atmosphere was strange today and i could feel the exiting of a favor. i took pills in vain because i can't trust the one i love... i am only human and i felt that the punishment was well worth the pain... i have caused myself.

breaking my own vow to one'self that i can't quite see past the present... past tense. the feelings are too good and falling back into usual patterns is an easy adjustment.
i am sure now that his presence is a major distraction and perhaps even the tragedy of story... or else the pleasure is just for us and we should use it for good.

either way i am struggling with control issues and if i could only trust. trust... in the one i love. so i shape shift in order to evolve into another creature... a character you have yet to recognize. once the outfit has been photographed... well it must go away.

i dreadfully miss the company of london and today longed to see him. he is and was a powerful tool in my lovely days... of the downward turmoil of the salon, but most of all he is a friend. but things disappear for some reason.

the depth of the day had me admitting that i would rather be a ghost. so i did not have to be seen... though i still need a voice. shadow... i am always here... nor there.