Silver lining.

"Dreams burn, but in ashes are gold." Kings of convenience 24-25 

The lighting reminds me of a cloudy winter day at home, except its even more familiar than that. The ocean breeze is cool and takes me back years. To the days with the Russian girls, the cool breeze of summers end. I can feel the crisp newness of Puerto Rico, the 10th floor facing the Atlantic. It reminded me of California before I knew... All the memories flood together and instantly create the mood... The heavenly. I love lonely quiet days.. The soundtrack was brilliant, I learned a lot. 

Time to catch up with loved ones and reevaluate the present.. All I know is history, thank God. So I use my imagination, breathing the air that is mine. The life I came to conquer. "Home will always be there.." Right where I left off... Which in actuality is a tricky spot, best forgotten with time. 

The harmonious  voices & calm acoustics give me breathing room. I need a bit of piano.... 

I can feel the thoughts, careful not to have a complex... But the reassuring text have come right on cue. They help me remember that people believe in me. Believe in the curiosity that I strive to have everyday. Not everyone can... I was given the gift. I need to share. 

The ones who relate to me best are stunning, well put together souls that float around with dazzling feathers. I suppose they have veil like energy as well, I don't see why it would be any different with them. The further away... The more I see the love I have left behind.

"Will I ever feel better?"what is getting me now. Just me. Please don't get bored now... The fight I have with myself all days. 

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16 KJV)

Southern comfort.

Reminds me of spring today. The dream of biking to work came true. I don't know that I pictured it quite the same, but pretty close. It felt good to be alone. Independent. Now I can get somewhere...

I fell in love with Amelia yesterday evening. I could feel her... I knew I would find her. She is a 1973 'Carolina' blue Schwinn. Found at a quaint little bicycle shop on orange ave. I just loved the entire evening. Ali and I can now adventure around town... To the market. Like I stepped back in time, she fits perfectly. Only slightly heavier than I had planned for... The stairs are tough.

Settling sounds sweet now. The dream of having space to myself... a closet. I'm very simple ... I hardly need a corner. I envision my own view, my own door... The quiet safe haven that will be my new home. 

I can see the light now. From afar, though revisiting will bring me pleasure... "being" there brings me stagnant thoughts... That I will achieve nothing. The dream of real life this morning solidifies that when you work to achieve... two years later came true.  But now what? It's time to stop day dreaming... Stop wishing and make it happen. The lull of steadiness will give me time to study and advertise for myself. Makes me tired just thinking about it... I think I'll go for a bike ride. 

Love the one you're with.

The sunrise was heavenly. Golden lit clouds sat on a back drop of stormy blue. So beautiful these early Saturdays with my love. The town isn't awake, we have the place to ourselves. California sleeps in... We wake up early to move into stillness. Catching our breath again, slowing down enough to see the future. The teacher speaks of love... Who do you love? Set your intention ... Send your love the energy. My brain dances around with loved ones... I can see one face very clearly. I hope he can feel the love. Even three thousand miles ago.

I think I found my footing again. I must never quit my art. The art of beauty. Making people feel beautiful... Everyday. I wore my red lips today... And leather leggings. Appropriate for the occasion... Mirrors all around. The soundtrack is nice and the coffee comforting on the cool rainy day. The streets a quieter than usual... For a Saturday. It never rains here, this winter being the exception. I'm used to the falling water, constantly drenching me and my spirit. The sun returns much quicker here. Maybe tomorrow.

Message me soon. I am making the point to be enlightened now. Then maybe I'll catch a few more signs. I just need reassurance, but the cards don't always equal up. In life, I'm learning, you must give without expectation of receiving. To expect something in return is suffering... I have no extra energy to give to suffer. So I'll write another letter soon.  Not sure what angle I'll come from... This is a very fragile moment. A time when I am unsure of where I am going. He may want to know... I read that they sold out a show recently back east. I'm so very ecstatic that people are catching on. The crowd will continue to multiply if they keep inspired. The fans make the artist/musician. They bring them forward into public. Humans are natural followers. Only a select few weird creatures are leaders.... 

until you use me up.

a quiet day.  the dreariness of the cold, the new surroundings seem a bit bleak and i have no desire to venture around.  instead the quiet led to a few new creations.  "welcome back".  only a few short weeks ago i was wondering this same place.

i loved waking up to the red daylight.  i would love to have red curtains from now on.  this habitat suits me... the dark wood panel and the small black cat standing guard on the top shelf.  i slept til noon because the sleep was so dream worthy.  i hope that he gets to experience a bit of this dream too.

i decided to not let it get to me.  i must stay focused only on the immediate future.  from now on the past will only offer me a better expression of feelings and also pieces.  pieces of things that provoke even more feelings.  the feelings that help you love yourself.  the self that is alone in the room with you.

i dreamed that one day i would travel the world and paint and write about all of it.  i have music too.  i would sit on balconies over looking the canals and the top deck of an island mountain gazebo... at a cafe table in paris...  i want him to be there too... only sometimes.  i also need time for strictly myself.  so i can reflect and remember our past... to see the future together.

etta james.  she sang about henry.  her power in her voice is unforgettable.  this is the music that last forever.

they can't take that away from me. -ella&louis

The way we danced till three
The way you changed my life
No, no they can't take that away from me
No, they can't take that away from me.
(Swing it, boys)

(Ella)
We may never never meet again, on that bumpy road to love
(Louis)
(Swing it, Ella)
(Ella)
Still I'll always, always keep the memory of ....