listen to:
wax tailor - how i feel 

stephen marley - someone to love 

 

Woke up early before the light to ride a big red bus along the pacific coast highway. We caught the early glimpse of dawn and began our practice right as the sun graced the mountain top. The frigid northern breeze froze my fingers and toes... Making the movements a frozen numb feeling of... Pain. Causing me to focus on keeping the breath sequence and extremity movement. I was surprised at what the mind can alter. Just as I was feeling hopeless... Feeling like giving in to the freezing feeling... The sun heated my body and soul. I had completed the task and was rewarded with a warm breakfast.

We stood around a fire and mediated about the coming year. I wrote my intentions for the year on a best western notepad... Listing my aspirations and goals... To fall in love, explore and create art. Then I became distracted and doodled about CRITTER MANIA 2013. The drawing consisted of wild lines... Tracing each other and moving about like a animal.. A fuzzy frenzy of red lines. I admired the doodle... Then set it up in flames. Watching the paper quickly turn to ash... All my wildest dreams will come true.

We ride bikes downtown and grab a lovely brunch at two umbrellas before work. The diner is a dive from the late eighties...  The soundtrack reflects the decor. Our sugar covered toast and veggie hash is the perfect compliment to the already stunning Saturday. This was on my "list". So I cross coffee date with Ali cat off.. Another goal, another day.

Each morning I wish for the best day... The days are adding up quickly. Soon I'll settle into my oceanside spot. I'll drape the walls with striped fabric ... Cloth and easel in one corner... Maybe a vintage lamp of some sort. Then I want to lay in bed and cuddle all day. "With whom?" you ask, I haven't the slightest clue. I'll just day dream him... Oh my, where is the man of my dreams...?

Lion.

If I could work up the courage to just say something. I've heard nerves will paralyze you... Stop you in you tracks. I don't know why I'm having these feelings. I think I've been here before. 

Seeing a year from now is grand. It will be the day I say I do... Then we will celebrate with our friends the new year. One year ago I was planning my life out exactly how it happened. I made it happen. Proof that I can make it all happen... 

Crazy lady. The new year for me symbolizes change. Something completely and utterly new. Yet somehow it is completely familiar.  This is my year to love those around me, we all need it. It is a time to spread beauty. It is a year to visit home and also visit friends around the world. It is a year to make a name for myself. A year to discover new music and new talent. I am very excited now. 

I'm going to meet a few of the 'right' people soon.. Actually I've already met them. I know them, now I just need time with them. The eve of the new year. This year was amazing. More than I could ever imagine. More than the average person can fathom. Could've been a movie... One day a book. 

So here's to the last day of 2012. The year we were all supposed to die. The end of the earth. I believe it was the end... Silently. The end of a society that seeks freedom... But was blinded by greed. The end of capitalism... I hope to see this "new" world. I'll at least witness the cusp of it. The silver lining that shines where we can live naturally and freely. Without control from the corrupt power of today. Our nation cries out now... The remainder are zombies. I hope that something can bring them back to life... I know the feeling. His music did it for me. 

12.21.12

Life is full of ever changing variables. change is enviable, guaranteed. Very few things are guaranteed,  promise nothing. A few select breathes, and death. An ending is promised, even foretold. The epilogue to the story, all the books. Most people dont listen until you are gone. If I can have them hear while I am alive.. More power. But I'm not concerned either way. I have much work to do.

Another day in my quiet paradise. I am very thankful for this stillness before it is a whirlwind. I am sure it will get wild, worth the lack of oxygen and rest. The sunglasses are an important side of business. I must dress and act the part of success before I will ever become it. 

Without money ... Free falling into the future. It's a gamble you take. I risk a lot of things daily now. Sometimes my safety, sometimes my pride. I'm trying to be as graceful as I can. This is all the gift. 

So I step back and look around. Not a bad view. I'm excited for the morning. The inspiration, the attention to detail. The ending was predicted for today, but no one had time to worry about it. I pray to god that an ending does come, to the current state of our world. A bright future lies ahead. One that reminds me of my childhood.