I went to bad bean to see DJ al-key .. Disco tiki night. I got ready quick and wore my black and white linen pants.
The rythym of a good song. That is what he is to me...
I had a dream that explained it all the other night. I knew that he had the shirt, it just once showed up in my feed, but I can't understand how I could predict what happens. I see bits and pieces of it all, but never the exact story line.
I just missed him at bad bean... I was late because I stopped to see Ellen and have a drink with her. I honestly enjoy her company, she loves me but she can really be... Harsh. It's a dosage thing. I stayed later than expected but I'm always late.. Keeping people waiting. I was glad that I missed him first thing... So I went to goombays to see Zack Mexico and some friends of theirs play. It was going to be a good show.. But I showed up way too late. I followed a girl into the bathroom just before I left... And I drove a half mile down the street. It was packed but I managed to find a parking spot close by, noticing there was a crazy line outside. Taylor spotted me "you just missed tupper and harry". It's one in, one out tonight. I couldn't wait outside, not to see Zack Mexico.. That's absurd. But if taylor could've even get in, well then I wasn't going to be able to either. I called tupper and surpriseily he answered the call. I wanted to see harry.. badly tonight, so i drove back to to my first spot.. admiring the teal bar they added over the winter. Katie we there and I hadn't seen her in months; we squealed and I jumped around when I saw her. Like we were kids... It was a monumental feat that we accomplished.. One that makes us who we are today. Her face is comforting.
In the dream I couldn't find him, it's like I just caught the tail end of his presence. My phones screen was shattered and nothing was really going right... But people were telling me how wonderful and amazing the guy in the red striped shirt is.
The tambourine was there to entertain.. And oh so freeing. To dance around and feel like Stevie nicks. I'm sure I was ridiculous.. But at least I have rythym. I was beginning to gain some confidence... he was with josh and tupper at the bar, Katie and I danced around. It was mostly just me for most of it... Katie is also DJ yoga buzz, who knew? I noticed harry outside having a cigarette by himself on the bench. I went to join him and sat perfectly in the curve of his arm. He handed me his cig, which we shared. I guess I smoke now. He asked me how my trip ws going...I wish I could remember our words, but I always lose them. Josh ended the night with a track from the sounds of whales on vinyl. It was awkwardly amusing.. The longing echos through the sea. I made the move and asked harry his plans.. I wanted to go where he was going, which happens to be just down the street. It began to rain and the cool drops felt good.. Causing my hair to frizz... Covered in the the clear droplets of crystal. I don't remember details..."Can I make you a cocktail?" he handed me a whiskey, lemon and sugar concoction then lit two cigarettes and put one in my mouth. I think the band showed up after us... Lots of band members everywhere. It felt like a chaotic zoo at one point. I remember talking to Joey about LA and how he keeps up with me on Facebook. I like how he wanted to talk music videos and such, I think I agreed to give him a haircut. He has the best curls. I started feeling anxious when this young girl showed up. I think she was with harry last summer.. I know she wanted to be with him. This made me nervous and I couldn't relax anymore. I'm sure you could read it on my face that I wasn't paying attention to much else. I didn't want him to disappear with her.. Where would I sleep?
I caught his attention in the kitchen and told him about my social anxiety. He smiled and laughed. "Im so glad you have it bad like me." I smiled and he walked off.. To his room. I paused a minute and looked around. Casually disappearing into the .... It was sudden, who am I kidding. As soon as we were alone, I'm not sure how it happened, but I think he grabbed my waist and pulled me down. He tossed around and said a few lost things.. Maybe he remembers more of the details. I doubt it. It's more of a feeling...
The reflection from the computer screen lined his silhouette and I was laying on my back. I could feel the pull, the magnetic feeling that holds us together. He grinned and it all happened. I hadn't felt his mouth in months. "I like the way you taste".. I said. "What, like booze." Haha. It was all so comical. It's funny to think that neither of us could probably recall any of it... But someone had to be witnessing this. The history and familiarity of our rendezvous is what attracts me. The way he performs shows... Is the private side of what I get to see. I like his aggressive hold on me... "I like teeth, nails and scratches.." I like marks that last for days. It's something to remind me that it did happen. I could see us eventually hurting each other though... With our passion to press and throw things against the walls.
I can see it all now. I didn't want the night to end.. More please. I wanted it to be a continuum of an eternity. The line blurs between being awake and falling asleep.. I just know that our bodies were tangled like cats and we slept like that all night. When I'm with him... I want to be on top of him, laying on his chest. He kept saying how much of a mess he is.. And how insane I am. I suppose all of this is true. The saliva is what I like. I like to lick.. His body, his neck.. And pull his hair. Making an impression that keeps feeling.. Keeps... Being.
excerpt from 500 days of LA