today i spent much of the day just "waiting". I'm so tired of waiting. i also believe now.. more than before, that everyone is out for themselves. i miss cristoffer so much but i believe that he is gone forever. my stomach hurts just thinking about it and i am anxious about silly things. the fact that i am so financially fucked is a sin, so i am stuck here on the the west coast. oh well, it's really comfortable and i am willing to put in the time and see how many jobs i can work until things start to make sense again.
i saw all the important faces tonight. i drank three glasses of wine for most of the money that i made today.. i bought wine colored lipstick and plan to wear it for awhile. needing something new and interesting. some lip rouge will do the trick.
i am sketched out by everyone sometimes and know that i will never get the credit that i deserve.
i am just thankful for the blessings i have and know that i do not want to be any one else other than a better version of myself. that says a lot. i am a rockstar… and my hands are very powerful.
i only relax during yoga. amen.
excerpt from 500 days of LA