How does that grab you.

other people want to keep in touch

something happens and its not enough 

12.12.11 I just want to find the balance of being independently amazing & being madly in love. 

Give me mystery & clarity.  The west coast highway explains the feeling.  I felt several in our short hours drive.  I felt the past gone, yet revisiting for reminders.  I needed to be reminded of the fragile line of love & hate. It's much like riding the edge of a cliff side. The mountains and ocean in one look. 

The small chance of hope.  The one second when you stop and worry with what you want. Breathing the ocean air in this town. Seeing the friendship and characters... Surfers.  Familiar sounds. Familiar sights to soften the fall.  

So I sit still and I am the normal consistency.  The stream of saline calmed my nerves.  You just have to release feelings. I suppose my mother understands. So now I get my life back... The following days will be important. Our small cottage is a place to rest and relax. Write a few letters and understand that falling in love is a process in the making.  Our futures will collide soon enough. I will enjoy my last few lonely months... So I can recall them later...

Do you believe in magic?

In a young girls heart 

It can free her

Whenever it starts

I'll tell you about the magic

It'll free your soul

But it's like trying to tell a stranger 'bout rock and roll.

-the lovin' spoonful

Where to begin? The red and black streaks remind me that hell is sometimes upon us.. At other times you can glimpse at heaven.  When you jump back and forth is when you begin to notice the difference. You begin to see the bright and appreciate the security and comfort of the familiar. 

I'm beginning to notice that money isn't the meaning. When money  is the meaning it makes life pointless. When life is pointless you become hopeless. Once hopeless you can't find happiness... Then you create a negative space.

Where should I look now? I have several options. I should keep the doors open but I don't have any interest in other doors right now. Only a few of the already 'cracked' ones draw my attention.  I'll just look around. I need to stay focused on the moment. But I never will. My head hurts. I'm exhausted now and can't look anymore. I need silence to rest my eyes. 

Sunset sinner.

The end of a chapter. Today made me realize that those times are past . Seeing the mountains and canyons ... Heavenly.  I imagine that heaven was a bit like today. The firery colors that changed forever, burning away the horizon. Setting fire to the static life that I had become trapped in. Now I get to see the la lights... Awake now the gold coast and all that shimmer and shines. 

The naked poem series.  Poetry in the morning... Start the day with addictions. Each one with a story to tell, covered in the running paint of controlled chaos.  the raw pencil lines leave room for detail and mistake. The clear coat to protect the ever changing lines.  

San Francisco... Gentle people with flowers in their hair. The history of the trip... The explanation of movement.  Only eight-hundred miles until the other end of our adventure.  The beginning of my artistic journey.  I have dreamed so much the last couple of weeks, the imagination creates all sorts of stories without a plan. Fill in the blanks for awhile. So I am hitting the highway... What a scene. 

Simmered yellow and gold threads

Laced about a cotton

Field of soaked merlot

And cinnamon spills.

The blaze of flames covers

Forever of sand and fault

Lines of fence and 

Barren lands.

Heavenly painter of the skies

Designed this one for us.

The crystal gate slides 

To the side for a quick

Desperate  glimpse.

Taste of molasses 

Taints the other naive souls

Roaming through 

But forever missing

Their purpose.

In the crease of great

And glorious seconds

With only one minute to spare

to glance at this fire

That saves us. 

the meaning.

on the road. day one.  it was stunning out today.  the time flew and after several hours we had conquered north carolina.  now we sleep in the mountains... in a beautiful old cottage on the west side.  the place has stories, it beams with character.  the view is crystal and the moon is a pale black light that illuminates and creates shadows in the dark.  i am ecstatic... erratic... and quite frankly something of a strange creature now.  i have no expectation.  we can't form a plan... it would interfere with the master plan.

it is a new life now.  i'm supposed to be in this dark room... red curtains.  the silence of a cold mountain town.  so now i crave the meaning.  i need a meaningful moment with someone soon.  it's difficult to create meaning because it takes time.  you have to have a bit of repetitive movement to make security.  you must have history to create comfort.  so i'll paint something.  something to calm my breathing.  the sound of piano... covering today's "hits" is comforting.  i try and fill in the lyrics every so often... keeps the mystery.


Something in the way she moves
Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way she woos me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how

Somewhere in her smile she knows
That I don't need no other lover
Something in her style that shows me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how

You're asking me will my love grow
I don't know, I don't know
You stick around now, it may show

I don't know, I don't know

the beatles