Tuesday, February 12, 2013

and on the thirteenth day…
I was gripped with a bit of fear
Worried the one thing that I loved
Back when I was just a kid
Might now never be enough
That the body I was in
Might belong to someone else
Someone kinder
Someone surer
Someone innocent
Young and beautiful
Someone purer

I was scratching at my skin
Hoping changes would begin
But what laid beneath was blood
Well of course
What the hell was I thinking of
Won't you take me down to the creek
Wash away our sins of sleep
I feel so tired
As though I might
Not wake at all on the other side
That's no way to go

Oh my dear one
Bathe me in your glow
Cut out my lonely heart
And bury it in the snow
Nothing really means nothing
Is the saddest thing I know
So deliver me from sin
And give me rock and roll

Give me rock and roll

And in the morning there'll be hope
And in the morning there'll be light
And if I sleep and dream up a system
A solution
To fend off perils of the night
Come on in, I'll be born again
Born again as someone else
Someone kinder
Someone surer
Someone beautiful
Someone purer

And when I am you'll know

The devil knows my name
Will salvation come
And wash away my pain?
For I was once a kid
With a pure and innocent soul
So deliver me from sin
And give me rock and roll

Give me rock and roll
And a pure and innocent soul
  mystery jets-someone purer
this song says more about how i feel about … my life.
i wake up early and i am mostly on time for work. i feel like the bike ride is quick, the sun is out and it's much warmer today. a slow day, cold and windy.. i contemplate moving, check out my situation. i am sure that i will wait and be patient. this is how i have won… but i was literally going stir crazy and had too much caffeine and sugar. i go on sugar binges sometimes.. cakes, chocolate. i should give something up. sometimes liberating yourself from everything is not enough, you have to give up something more. i just feel out of it. the one client i had is late and kinda flighty. she was an hour late and i had to be fine with it. her color turned out nice.. i just didn't connect with her that well. I'm tired. i had such a headache and sweats today. i think i am still sick. i must rest. everything hurts really, but you have to push through. i smiled a few times, but deep down i am homesick. i am completely love sick. i quickly bike home in the wind and cold. my lips are dry.. i immedielty begin to paint, drawing quickly with a pencil onto scrap cardboard. repetitive lines and comic book like patterns. for hours, until it turns to paint. this is how i process… eating only a snack like dinner.. a snack later. I'm so hungry today. i want to paint all night, i talk to michelle for a bit on the phone… so excited about going home. it seems like only yesterday we were leaving town… eleven weeks ago.
i got excited today about starting a musical revolution. alex had the same thought. we are on the same page as usual. i want everyone to know the good music, the talent. i need everyone to change their views and understand what we can do to change a nation. with music. that is the hat i will wear. i think it's the hat he gave me to try on just a few weeks ago. it fit well. 

(excerpt from 500 days of LA)

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