we held onto each other like we were never going to let go. all the cards fell into place & and i must admit, i like the hand i have been dealt. i can't believe my world.
i am severely gracious for those moments. the dirty messing life of tambourines and bruises. i suppose the black & blue marks are only temporary, but the brain can remember it as if it is always happening.
i like the way he taste. when the skin holds between the folds... for a yummy surprise.
amongst all the chaos of the night... we stood in the kitchen, face to face and talked about our social anxieties. its the history that is giving me a good chance with this. we were all too fucked up to realize what we were saying... but i kept an eye on the groups that were mingling about.
he made me a cocktail... of whiskey, lemon and a dash of sugar. then he grabbed two cigarettes and put one in my mouth. we chained smoked all night with romantic touches and glances... he retired to his room and i was completely bored without his presence. i walked away... to what seemed to me at the time as discreet timing, but i'm sure there was a watchful eye. i underestimate how many people watch me.
the room was dark and he put on the music... some tunes from the thirties & we began to play our usual game. tossing and turning each others bodies, me convulsing and shaking with the nervous energy that he causes my bones and stomach to turn. i remember the smell... the lighting and the angle in which he leaned in to kiss me. as almost a year has passed since our last... it was better this time than ever before.
the morning came too soon and somehow we managed to get out of the night alive. i woke up to a thunderstorm outside; the rain being pelted into the open window. we snuggled in like cats for hours... he had a glass of whiskey in bed & we talked about life. sometimes i say really insane things to boys. i don't know what possesses me to let the words fall out of my mouth... the inappropriate letters that can't seem to stay inside of my weird brain. he said that i was comforting to him... i make him feel a bit more....how shall i say.... normal.
"girl, in real life... i'm quite a mess." -hh