Friday, November 9, 2012

      There is in God (some say) 
A deep, but dazzling darkness; as men here
Say it is late and dusky, because they
               See not all clear;
     O for that night! where I in him
     Might live invisible and dim.
                           Henry Vaughan : The Night

the west side revelation. i just had a feeling, i needed to know. the peace that comes over 

me... the mountains. the air is fresh and clean, like cinnamon. the touch of spice is nice.  

only small bits of evidence are proof of the magical last few hours.  sometimes you have to 

take a chance, put yourself out there.  things will begin to happen.  the uncomfortable feeling in my knees... 

      scandal changed me
it makes me sharper
      more aware of my mistakes.
following my passion
for romance & intense
      flesh interaction
the chills that leave marks
                                of memories.
inspirational xes
my favorite pastime.
hold my hand
let me have just a small
piece of hope for 
                        the future
of what could possibly be love.
grace my life with
your presence & 
                             kiss me...
holding on is that hardest part
we say casual goodbyes
          in the street
to mask our doubts
i know i'll see you soon
someday over the rainbow.

in a pretend life we are able to see through each other. the entire experience was beautifully choreographed, similar to that of the tango.  it answered all my questions, reminded me what i'm running for.  our conversation felt natural, like i had been there before. i guess when you know... you just need to know more.  

insanity.  why does this word follow me around. misinterpreted it could be fatal, i see it as a compliment.  humans pay me in realizations... it happens daily.  the best part about everything is that feeling of satisfaction.  everything happened exactly how i wanted.  that is rare in this life, but i'll keep praying.

i see good balance here. i see a life that we have already tasted, that forbidden fruit. that allure, we still have another realm to discover together. one that will change the way i see this earth, but for now i will have patience. i'm in no hurry, this is going to be a neverending story.

seven human stories... all in one old studio apartment.  the character's kept changing, so did the soundtrack.  something like a speakeasy, the spirits from the simpler yet complicated era of scandal and deceit.  an uneasy moment in time, such glamour and filth.  we danced into the early morning, tambourines ... the entire experience is captured in still frame shots. the words have disappeared, but the feelings have intensified.

she said i was the most beautiful girl he as ever been with... the moment could have been awkward, the small refrigerator was being used as a leaning device for the two lovely lover girls.  i had interrupted the amour, but it was necessary. i like to wander.  the compliment made me feel.... pretty. i ventured onto my normal shenanigans. which involves a bit of violence and a frenzy of seductive laughter.  the lights finally dimmed... my activity did not.

seven am comes too quickly when you need another minute.  we ventured down the mountain to save the world with our creativity.  a cup of espresso and a glass of aqua, we are closer to life now.  i read a book of songs, poems and love notes.  the letters were small and delicate, but full of completely controlled rage and optimism.  the consistency of the visual was reassuring... something about handwritten emotion.  i quietly tried to take it all in, barely able to control my excitement.  the cloudy, dreary barely visible morning helped settle my nerves, the serene scenery of mountain scapes... his tepid demeanor. i found peace.

only God  can offer such a feeling as this. that feeling of perfect.  when you have to stop and say thank you for bringing you back to life.  the article i discovered early this morning about the proof of heaven.  each day i have proof.  but the dark has to come from somewhere, i like to dance in the shadows.  he made the darkness, only he knows what goes on there.

"you are the devil". no, i have met him though.  "what's he like?" he is beautiful and charming, love at first sight. but don't be fooled, he tells you... you are not who you think you are.  you are not an artist.  you music is no good. you should just give up.  i am not the devil, that demon that walks the streets.  i am far far from him, but because of this... i must play with him everyday.  he tempts me with the shiny and pressing temptations that only a scamp can.  i must keep my focus on the brighter side, the simplicity of an early morning.  

i hold onto to him so tight, what if i can't let go?  i just need this time to hold onto a heartbeat... i use my hands to memorize him in the dark.  a cold wooden floor leaves me bruised and achy, all for a connection that will inspire an artist to start a revolution.  the evil of the early hours and the innocence of the dawn creates perfect light to see angels.  we were alone in a crowded yet silent room of clever souls, those three minutes will carry him for a brief while.  some images you just can't get out of your head.  the affect you have on someone... only heaven knows what he saw, but i could feel his hands taking in the vision.  

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