there is no sense in jumping to conclusions. i guess the closest i could get today was far... but its like at any moment... living that life is exhausting. it's better to just not a have a clue, i guess i like surprises more than i thought. you can't rush destiny, i just wish i could feel comfort... every once in a while. i'm so used to giving out all of myself, i need someone to help me recharge.
i saw an older couple out tonight, they were adorable. so affectionate, in a subtle way... but i loved seeing the history of their relationship. it gives me a tiny bit of hope, even though i'm pretty sure that it has become impossible for our generation to love. we had no good examples. just a bunch of jumbled messages... now we require instant satisfaction... or we quickly move on.
i need that feeling in my stomach to disappear. i'm tired of living this life like some "love" is going to solve anything.. the distraction from where i'm really headed. i'm leaving all of this behind. i think she should go with us... i'm going to need another soul with me for this journey. "soul searching". finding the meaning of life... because i now realize that it has nothing to do with work or money. there is more than we can ever fathom. all of the materialistic things here on earth will be meaningless to us in our future.
i'm just overwhelmed and a bit bummed that i can't figure him out. if i could though; i would have no interest in him at all... and then that would be the end. i like a never ending story the best. the dark mysterious shadow. "sometimes depression gives you the same feeling as joy." i found truth in that tonight. i don't want to think about anything anymore. letting go of love for awhile... i'm all used up.