(12.2.12)

The anger of being uncomfortable... "That means you are doing something." I'm upset because I'm over it.. As much fun as it should be... I'd rather just do it all alone sometimes. It is just who I am. Not everyone can be so happy... The world would be lame if that were the case. We'd all just smile and get along. Instead I would rather be angry. It is going to toughen  the skin that I own. The skin that is thin... I just want an actual companion now.. Instead of drunken lost souls. Alcohol makes things a mess. He must be able to be sober with me. Being drunk isn't a good look. Seeing it on her made me realize what a waste...

I pray he comes soon, I'm starting to lose faith that I even deserve anyone to hold. Someone who is quiet and understands that brilliance is far beyond words. It is a sense of calm in the chaos. It is understanding the world... It is understanding yourself and standing your ground.  It is stopping to breathe... The fresh air that renews us, even if all of your friends would just rather pollute your surroundings. God please clean the air.