novelty.

"No wonder lovers talk all night or walk till dawn, write extravagant poetry and self-revealing e-mails, cross continents or oceans to hug for just a weekend, change jobs or lifestyles, even die for one another. Drenched in chemicals that bestow focus, stamina and vigor, and driven by the motivating engine of the brain, lovers succumb to a Herculean courting urge."-helen fisher

it's the love that is changing everything.  i have noticed that it is the difference in excitement and sleep.  honestly if there is no chance in seeing him... i'd rather just rest.  i have a lot to accomplish without him...

now i just focus on the music.  i focus on the chords, the nerves and the lyrics.  

recent studies showed that listening to your favorite music has a similar effect on your brain as other pleasure-inducing activities like having sex.

MRI and PET scans reveal that when you listen to music that excites you, your brain releases dopamine during the most exciting moments of the song and even in anticipation of those moments.

i suppose that is why i enjoy music so much.. i listen to it at any moment of the day.  it's what keeps me awake, revamps my life.  forever... i could listen to the songs.  the songs he sings to me... one day. i'll have my own soundtrack.

research shows that love opens doors of the brain... it allows us to relax and really begin to dive deep into the realms of creativity that otherwise you would be too distracted to realize.  it's tough to slow down enough... the black and white creativity.  he has to sleep with the tv on.  i had to turn it off.  the noise is just nonsense... at least we focused on the comedy of classics. 

Dr. Fisher offers three key components of love, involving different but connected brain systems:

• Lust — driven by androgens and estrogens, the craving for sexual gratification
• Attraction — driven by high dopamine and norepinephrine levels and low serotonin, romantic or passionate love, characterized by euphoria when things are going well, terrible mood swings when they’re not, focused attention, obsessive thinking, and intense craving for the individual
• Attachment — driven by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, the sense of calm, peace, and stability one feels with a long-term partner

She goes on to point out that serotonin-enhancing antidepressants also inhibit other evolutionary adaptive mechanisms for mate selection, such as orgasm.

i just enjoy my alone time.  the time i have to be quiet.  i hope he knows quiet with me... i hope he enjoys that silent lust too.  the attraction is what we are creating.  the attachment is what we grow old with.

Just consider how much learning happens when you choose a mate. Along with thrilling dependency comes glimpsing the world through another’s eyes; forsaking some habits and adopting others (good or bad); tasting new ideas, rituals, foods or landscapes; a slew of added friends and family; a tapestry of physical intimacy and affection; and many other catalysts, including a tornadic blast of attraction and attachment hormones — all of which revamp the brain. 

If you’re in a healthy relationship, holding your partner’s hand is enough to subdue your blood pressure, ease your response to stress, improve your health and soften physical pain. We alter one another’s physiology and neural functions.

During idylls of safety, when your brain knows you’re with someone you can trust, it needn’t waste precious resources coping with stressors or menace. Instead it may spend its lifeblood learning new things or fine-tuning the process of healing. Its doors of perception swing wide open. The flip side is that, given how vulnerable one then is, love lessons — sweet or villainous — can make a deep impression. Wedded hearts change everything, even the brain.

-the brain on love, diane ackerman

so i understand a bit more.  the worry is natural.  the love is becoming... i just need to experience a new level now.  with both of our talents... we will be able to discover even the smallest realms.  i can feel it.  both of us are weird animals.. ones that delve deep into the sea of odd.  we are the epidemy of awkward.  he thinks the same about himself.  now if only he could except that a bizarre bird like me could be the one for him.  i believe in monogamy... do you?