Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas Day.

This day represents family and an uncontrolled excitement for the gifts. Gifts of family and really good food. We would travel together and listen to Christmas music, mom loves it. She also gave us the love of the grinch. cindy lou who. I have a sense of alone today. 

I am going to face my fears. One at a time. Some days several at a time.  I need to converse more. Perhaps take it as far as being social... I've become so accustomed and content with my own company.  I can spend hours... Even days alone. It's not the happiest times. But at least I'm free from other people's needs and wants. 

"You might find more comfort in the people you left behind." Marie - the critters

For now I'm searching for comfort in the familiar. Familiar sounds, feelings, voices. The rhythm of a song... a lyric. Anything. I'm grabbing everything I can. 

Quietly resting and hiding away. I just can't see what I am so upset about. I'm just not confident in myself. I haven't satisfaction anymore. Selfish. 

I'm just guarded and reserved. Perhaps others should protect themselves better, save themselves the exhaustion of people constantly taking.

So today I pray for happiness. I pray for the sheer joy of achieving my goal. Merry Christmas to myself. I moved to California to make a new life. Away from everything I absolutely love. All of it. I have a busy year ahead of me. But once I figure it out here... I can be both places. Pain is only temporary. 

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