its difficult to sit back and watch. its hard to let things happen as they will.. without trying to change the outcome, which ultimately is an ending. a death from this body to move on... to the next travel.
but now i am exhausted from the sickness... lack of sleep. the coughing, cooped up in a dark shadow box.. full of dusty things.
im bored. i hate to have to say it... california, you bore me. but at the same time you keep me here out of intriguing hope that this will indeed become euphoric in a sense of... human reaction.
in a town so big; i bet i can make it feel small.
he said today... you could have anyone of them that you want, but you end it with them because you are bored. that is the last straw.
learning that you can't just give up. you have to keep breathing, to keep living and fighting for another day. i will lay with tears sinking into the pillow for awhile and try and count the stars through my plastered ceiling. it does no use anymore... counting. its all just a stupid game we play.
the best advice found in this day...