All things loose their shape, eventually.
I revealed secrets, what really do I
have to lose? Disappeared.
Still I remain a mystery,
but this time the story is about you.

Call me crazy, I say I'm taken.
Sex to music, the key to life.
Music is the answer.
Love is made over time. After you
realize yourself & others have flaws
Enjoy them.

I still want a chance, one to figure out
how you could walk away so easily.
So I'll move to the beat. Connect the feeling
with a confused dotted line,
but continue to love & be free,
the desired goal.

Learn to let go, just a few moments now,
but it's necessary.
Be original, pieces collected.

Create curiosity & keep them around.
Never reveal all your secrets.




may 2012
(inspired by Tighten Up by the Black Keys)
i want sex to them soon.

The silence is tearing me apart. I can't take it anymore... I throw a rock and shatter the glass.  The message is small and random. I read an article about dancing the tango. I need a partner...in crime.

run with wolves.

the details spilled the beans all over the floor this morning. i couldn't help it, he has been just standing there in my thoughts. trapped in a still moment of a few days ago. we needed the energy. we needed the ... wanted the inspiration. be careful what you ask for.

we'll do miraculous things together. funny how these boys keep getting better. you just have to keep the... dark shadows of what is not real and true concealed. no one reads this "stuff" any who.

please lord. the focus slivers away, evaporates into the mist.
forty days of love poems. it helps.
i love mixing my day around. the city stroll and a lovely dinner.
the men in my life take care of me.
more than i can ever repay them.
i hope i help them too, in some... entertaining way.

there are two types of people.
the entertainers and the observers.
from one side to the other
the constant is the same
his humanity proves
this theory
truth.

i like the way his husband put it... "as you get older you test the theory, and once it holds true... that is faith."

i'll run with my kind soon enough.

simon says:

if no one touches you, you never learn.

Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings. (Proverbs 31:3 KJV)

It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink: (Proverbs 31:4 KJV)

And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder:

One of the four beasts saying: “Come and see.” And I saw.

And behold, a white horse.

There’s a man goin’ ’round takin’ names.

An’ he decides who to free and who to blame.

Everybody won’t be treated all the same.

There’ll be a golden ladder reaching down.

When the man comes around.

The hairs on your arm will stand up.

At the terror in each sip and in each sup.

For you partake of that last offered cup,

Or disappear into the potter’s ground.

When the man comes around.

Hear the trumpets, hear the pipers.

One hundred million angels singin’.

Multitudes are marching to the big kettle drum.

Voices callin’, voices cryin’.

Some are born an’ some are dyin’.

It’s Alpha’s and Omega’s Kingdom come.

And the whirlwind is in the thorn tree.

The virgins are all trimming their wicks.

The whirlwind is in the thorn tree.

It’s hard for thee to kick against the pricks.

Till Armageddon, no Shalam, no Shalom.

Then the father hen will call his chickens home.

The wise men will bow down before the throne.

And at his feet they’ll cast their golden crown.

When the man comes around.

Whoever is unjust, let him be unjust still.

Whoever is righteous, let him be righteous still.

Whoever is filthy, let him be filthy still.

Listen to the words long written down, When the man comes around.

Hear the trumpets, hear the pipers.

One hundred million angels singin’.

Multitudes are marchin’ to the big kettle drum.

Voices callin’, voices cryin’.

Some are born an’ some are dyin’.

It’s Alpha’s and Omega’s Kingdom come.

And the whirlwind is in the thorn tree.

The virgins are all trimming their wicks.

The whirlwind is in the thorn tree.

It’s hard for thee to kick against the pricks.

In measured hundredweight and penny pound.

When the man comes around.

And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts,

And I looked and behold: a pale horse.

And his name, that sat on him, was Death.

And Hell followed with him.

johnny cash - when the man comes around 

That about sums up the day. Amen. 

turns out he is a demon.
making my heart shake
and taking my eyes away from
what i am being called to.
soft spoken devil.

Sid & Nancy.

 Let's board a plane without no destination 

Taking time and gonna need some patience

                                 -----Zimbabwe - New Navy

This is how I imagine my world now. Something of a turn top that shifts with the 

wind. 

Turning upside down with the flick of your... Finger.

Control. A craving humans seek... 

I learned today that indeed "reality is negotiable"... 

I always add in dramatic effect, to keep myself interested of course.

The things two cats do alone. I'm allergic to the dust that is your being, my eyes watering and skin scratched and scarred with irritation... I'll pet you once more. Wanting more. Infinite. It's silly to promise anything. 

At the end of the five-hundred days... I'll have my bags packed, I'll be waiting for you at the end of the road, wrapped in a fur cloak. You'll recognize me, and we'll sail the seven seas... Take a train, take a bus; fall in love all over again. Love doesn't just begin for us, it's the first and last day... Everyday. 

Chained together with steel cuffed feeling.

after bliss.

it's only natural that the day would feel so.. bland.
you have to balance the scales. once something so emotional, so wonderful and amazing takes place... this day of nothingness seems too.. plain.
i wouldn't have it any other way. i needed the day to remember & absorb all the light that was placed inside. like a jar of fireflies... the following morning, they have all died.

its all a dream anyhow. i don't know if he was just a mirage... or an actual human.
i have no proof of his existence, yet i choose to believe.
i choose to have faith in his love for me.
this is how i keep treading the endless waters that is life.

one day at a time. save the imagination for later. now i need to rest and prepare for what is to come. being in love is exhausting, but i wished for this. my year is moving right along, almost just as planned.

natural.

the feeling you get when something belongs.
only three days and i can't seem to understand where this human came from.
i thank god that our paths crossed, i guess you can say it was a first sight kinda thing.
months ago & i only had a glimpse.
funny how patience and living in the moment contradict each other so well.
i just want to be in the now.
if you know, should you still wait?
i presume god isn't too happy for this dawn...
but he let this kid into my realm,
i couldn't help but fall a little.

its a powerful thing to have souls unite.
the full moon shadows played games,
with a glass of poison & a good view.
just some lettuce and a few tacos...
scary movies bore me; give me something real.
i wanted it now
i wanted real people
real human skin
contact to help me feel
again.

from france to london.

i still can't believe that we pulled something like that off, so well. i regret not having more fun… but i am just so melodramatic that you can't tell my emotions, i have a poker face of champions. the still silhouette of my emotion will come in handy more in the future. i regret very few things.

all of this is a dream within a dream.

its as if i've been here all along,

only the time has changed

and an era has come and gone.

very impressed. he kept running around in my mind. i wonder if he'll be a staple or a fad.

I'm going to guess the latter.

either way, i want to stare into his eyes again.

i wasnt planning on this 

he wasn't supposed to appear so soon

and now i must cut ties.

tightening the strings for just one more time, 

one more time to experience his song…

his dream, within my dream.

excerpt from 500 days of LA 

morrissey.

like knives
shredding apart
all the flesh
that i know to be mine
seeing a clear
shade of sense
and time for all
things end and
come again as new.
the love you give
is the love you receive
i pray that i can
keep on.
by the grace of god
i live another day.

the ray of light
crashed into me today
and wrapped me in
his leather jacket
the one that saved his
father's life
otherwise...
he would've never joined my world.

m & R.

the disturbing defect in mankind....people change. in a crowd, much quicker.
the effects of alcohol. please forgive me.. i type with slow keys and just letters floating about.



the perfect time was long ago.
the day with no disease or sickness.
now
they float about like
sprinkles.
who in the "world" are we ruling & reigning over?
the rest of the people
the ones who haven't  clue.
"freedom is a choice"
but like predicted
the people rebel again.

manipulation
and deceit.
framing the dark muscular
creature
wandering with red flesh
he sinks his teeth
into our souls
begging and gripping onto
the end of our line.

the final revolt will be short lived.
thank you for this beautiful life.

circles.

 as tall as lions.

i read the past.
one year ago.

"it was like a scene out of a movie. i pulled up to his drive way and he is naked in front of this window hurrying to get dressed...pants, i see him text me. then he runes down the stairs without this shirt... his body is amazing. he pulls down the cotton over his pelvis...i sigh. he gets in the truck, "just got out of the shower" he smells like clean laundry. "thanks for inviting me", he kisses me on the cheek. this boy is something else. we don't leave each other's side during most of the cookout event. the boys are weathered but hot... the girls are beautiful hippies. i fit right in. susie... i like her. she invites me to every thing. dana is there, it's his girlfriends birthday, hence the backyard gathering. he is sterlings good friend, odd small island.
all day long i thought about this boy, every time he crossed my mind he would text me, something about him. i think i enjoy the body contact the most. i like thinking about him too. he makes my day a bit easier, a tad brighter. so he has to drive home because i drank too much vodka, we gave dana and lindsey a ride home. odd. then i buy champagne and starburst at the the kangaroo gas station, every flavor for him. we rent a girl with a dragon tattoo. his idea. the movie is dark. i am drunk and being silly... i wonder what he thinks... the several personalities of ...

i fall asleep on his bare chest for the remainder of the movie. i wake up in a sweat... we are both soaking wet. he leaves and goes home. i'm ok with this because i know i will see him soon."

Blood. Sweat & Tears.

Cross my heart and hope to die. 

He stuck a needle in me. 

feeds the endorphins... 

Distance is key. 

He does it to me. 

One million miles away...

teaches me 

Diligence 

Discipline

Discipleship. 

They welcomed him with open arms

Then killed him, only seven days later.

What a difference a week can make. 

social distorsion.

we are made for connection. it equals pleasure. i am apologetic that i could not give it today... i was all out of empathy. you can read it on my face.
he said i needed a "muse".
i have one. jesus... except no human can live up to him.
now i understand why i am being challenged. "he" doesn't exist on this earth.
i have to have faith that he is roaming around...
amongst the other earthly creatures.
do not give up.
this is exactly how it is.

ridiculous.

...it's hard to smile, still.

Tears streamed down as I thought about my dad. His diligence and sacrifice to make our lives... Wonderful. Mom often sighs... "Too wonderful".

She has a point. We only know glitter... And gold. We haven't a clue what to do when the lights go out. Do we sparkle and shine no more?

How easy it would be to give up, give in...

But no. There are men out there like my father, who wakes up before the sun each morning to drive for hours... To do a job that he dislikes. 

Here I am.. Crying & complaining about living in California.. 

solitude is bliss. tame impala


love not the world or lust after it's desires. but because you love the father... you can love the world. 




1 John 2:15

[ On Not Loving the World ] Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them.

and then i found this, and it explains a few feelings. i am done with my self pity party now. tomorrow is new. i smile again.

John 15:19

If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.

isaiah

Isaiah 40:31

King James Version (KJV)

³¹ But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Isaiah 1:17

King James Version (KJV)

¹⁷ Learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow.

... meet jason.

just when i was going to call it quits. i sat on the cliff this morning, facing the sea. i almost cried when up against the wall, but then i was able to laugh and rejoice. it is too soon to quit. i must have patience and seek him even more.

the ink on flesh catch my attention. i look up the verse, it's exactly as i hope. have hope. push more.

nothing is happening, but everything is falling into place. 

the breeze brings me into the moment. i am free now. 

what drives me forward?

hope. 

i hurt for the ones that can't have time to be still... the ones that hurt so bad they no longer feel pain.
i cry for those that have lost the feeling of tears, the ones whose eyes see no sense in the matter, it doesn't change anything.
the loss of chemicals sent to the brain. i feel boredom all around.

i could cry for days, but why? mom said to enjoy my time here. enjoy the time to learn and grow, to spend moments with ali, who i would be so far from if i were comfortable at home.

i am sick today. my stomach can't take the grossness that is society. i can't handle disgusting humans any longer. the taste of food hurts, the thought of sugar...

i am sure that it is never going to happen. i am sure that he will never be able to love me, therefore i must give up.
none of them will ever love me. i am alone. i will die alone, wandering this earth alone.
please hear my cry lord.

DEAR GOD. SEND ME LIVING FLESH THAT GIVES A DAMN ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING. for on this day, i can't feel a fucking thing. amen

  "To God, sex is not a casual matter. It is extremely important --FAR more important than most people realize. He created sex, he loves us and wants to protect husbands and wives and children -- and nations."

Proverbs 31:3 exhorts men (specifically leaders) not to give their strength to women.

OUR NATION DESPERATELY NEEDS HEROS. Because of sin, our nation does not have the leadership it needs.

"Character is everything". 

 "Nations fall without family character... And our people don't care about this issue, the collapse is very near!"

The nation is so engrossed in this sin it cannot stop. People are hooked like heroin. Sin destroys willpower. It slaps your will to live righteously.

 "The wicked flee when no man pursueth: but the righteous are bold as lion." Proverbs 28:1

"To be bold as a lion, we must live righteous lives! Think of the example of Joseph: he fled fornication and was able to lead and serve and to benefit the entire world at the time (Genesis 39-41). He was able to make decisions as bold as a lion because of righteousness." 

America is headed for destruction because of it's sin. To protect ourselves and families, we must not be consumed by the sins of the world.

The world needs an entirely new kind of leadership. The world needs righteous, godly people and strong families. It is crying out for that right leadership. It needs a leader full of righteous judgement, full of the weightier matters of the law--judgement, mercy and faith. It needs leaders who are bold as lions."

Excerpt from the trumpet.com

Sex is more important than you think by Brian Davis

whiskey & water

silly little me. 

who am i to think that i can move... faster

than those that you will find.

they don't have a reason

an attachment

purpose driven life.

what is your

reason.

the weight of the world is on my shoulders & i can be thankful and self-less in this moment.

if all my wildest dreams came true.

i'll visit in the spring and you'll be able to see how i have changed.

its a sign.

all of it is leading me to the right place. i am so very excited about it. the beauty in being in control.  i haven't felt her in.. years.

this time is what its supposed to be. it will equal to something that is exactly what i need.
i can feel the songs now. everyone is unaware of the truth.
i am so thankful for my life, i am giving away alot to be here. the unnecessary money. but somehow we keep going on.
there is a certain appeal to me that makes people instantly talk to me.
instantly.
the crowded bar is a reminder that i can do this... this is a goal.
reminding me of home. the dive bar by the sea. i found her left coast friend.
we are in it until the end. the real friend that you find and love forever. her name is ali.

this is why i came to california. to feel the
pulse of songs.
troubled is what creates.
magic


then i come home to you. and listen
they don't understand
the red and black accents.
a chandelier.
i pray to god & smile
because beauty is the small moments
the breath of air.
takes me there, to the present
leaning on a small notion
.your smile.

we were the last two they let in.
"yea, that was weird".

is it brilliance? or insanity.
who's to say.

when you lose someone you love. that is what makes you ... feel.
beauty of the day. that is who i am. i have to be her for as long as i can hold on.
the role i play is quietly key.

i loose... momentum
its alot to take in, i know this.
that is why i suddenly act out of character. to distract you from the obscene.
you have to get everyone together, that is the hard part.

convincing those around you, especially those that you love... to trust you.

i pray that i am taking the right path, on this left side.
i know that i am in a sea of opportunity, im staying too still & quiet.
how so?

lack of funds.

death & taxes

the left side_______

______the right side

how do you choose?

from the beginning of my time i knew what i would be doing. i have been preparing ever since. i know that i dream too big for boxes & such.
i believe in love
i know that if the world was to end and i was the only one alive... i would search til my dying day to find another soul. i know that god wouldn't leave me here alone.
i would search all over the world, walking... and traveling the best i could. i would figure it out.
i wouldn't be distracted.

so what do i learn?
that love is real. it is an endorphin that pushed me here, that is pushing me there. its holding me into the flesh that i will one day lay with.
our naked souls just being silent, together. just the breath. our intimate life as in love.

i learn that people respect and commend me, on my faith.. my drive.
my point exactly.
in order to love me you must trust me.

how do you trust? with time.
i know that my conviction & my salvation will get me through, i can see heartache and tears in my future, but that is what builds me.
i've seen some of this, so it keeps me searching for more dreams, they keep coming to life.


i know that if this music movement changes lives... i will be satisfied.
i'd like to believe that i will be okay without him, but love knows that that is not true.

For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. (Psalms 30:5 KJV)

The eve brought a smile to my life... "Take off that frown, you're in love..."

He could get any girl that he pleases...

Listening to their songs.. I could've been there and on the tracks, but I was wandering around California. I'm there in ... Thoughts.

Who knows if I even inspired a lyric or two. 

I made a bit of inspirational love to their songs... & Lil' Wayne. 

That was long ago, in another land & time. Now I just need a hard copy as proof... 

I know all these souls, we have similar experiences.. Growing up on the island. Amongst the traveling tourists... The passer throughs... The summer lustful drugs and memories that create our souls current state. 

"Frozen on the tracks" no more. The silence is over... And heart felt letters are priceless.

To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever. (Psalms 30:12 KJV)

What goes up must come down.

See you at the top. The ghost writer, shadow seeker ... Soul reaper. This is where I am... Sitting on the sunny porch, wanting more than the perfect life I sit with... pen and paper, dreaming of you. 

"Is it because of him!?" Yes, I believe so. But that is fair. Completely fair... Love does wild things to your brain, you can feed off it... it's become my drug of choice.

The sunny morning on the ocean front cliff. Long beach light tribe... a group of humans that is practicing love. We need more love. I soak up the energy from the sun. Ground my soul to the earth, letting the breeze guide my thoughts into a clearer intention, a bigger picture of our future. 

If we sit and wait... Nothing will happen. It's all or nothing. We have nothing.. So we may as well give it our all. 

Distance
Definition: The space between two objects; the length of a line, especially the shortest line joining two points or things that are separate; measure of separation in place. 

time

 [tahym] noun, adjective, verb, timed,tim·ing.

noun

1.

the system of those sequential relations that any event has to any other, as past, present, or future; indefinite and continuous duration regarded as that in which events succeed one another.

2.

duration regarded as belonging to the present life as distinctfrom the life to come or from eternity; finite duration.

3.

( sometimes initial capital letter  ) a system or method of measuring or reckoning the passage of time: mean time; apparenttime; Greenwich Time.

4.

a limited period or interval, as between two successive events:a long time.

5.

a particular period considered as distinct from other periods:Youth is the best time of life.

pa·tience

noun

1.

the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation,annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss oftemper, irritation, or the like.

2.

an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.

3.

quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: towork with patience.

 how i feel today. i feel like im away at war sort of... like im about to, i don't want to write what i feel i have i  have to say. 

the candles tonight were perfect. practiving the calming mediations of breathing. moving together in unison, to help ourselves, to help each other. as this catches on, our people, or country will become better.

i must say it... i listened to the nine songs on repeat today. i know them now better, silly but I'm most of the numbers.. ha. biggest fan.

but it helps. i am still high from his letter. why do i get the boys so... 

i can think back and remember all the boys.. im sure there will be more. but if not, im okay with that. once you have seen the endless amount of nothing... you know when you have found something.

i thought it out today... i have nothing in common with most humans.. other than music. i can see that it is important for me to share my story, share my inspiration. 

i have devised a plan, no need to digress.

on the brink of a notion. these words could last forever. i can feel it better now, i know that there is more to come. its going to be a beautiful ride. 

R&B

For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. (Psalms 30:5 KJV)

The eve brought a smile to my life... "Take off that frown, you're in love..."

He could get any girl that he pleases...

Listening to their songs.. I could've been there and on the tracks, but I was wandering around California. I'm there in ... Thoughts.

Who knows if I even inspired a lyric or two. 

I made a bit of inspirational love to their songs... & Lil' Wayne. 

That was long ago, in another land & time. Now I just need a hard copy as proof... 

I knows all these souls, we have similar experiences.. Growing up on the island. Amongst the traveling tourists... The passer throughs... The summer lustful drugs and memories that create our souls current state. 

"Frozen on the tracks" no more. The silence is over... And heart felt letters are priceless. 

To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever. (Psalms 30:12 KJV)

Lover and friend hast thou put far from me, and mine acquaintance into darkness. (Psalms 88:18 KJV)

'im your biggest fan.' 

There's gotta be more to life than this? I know there is... This is a waiting period to prove how hard I can work, how much I can live with out... Who I can live with out. The pressure of temptations takes over from time to time, but I will learn strength. In time I will get more security. He has answered my prayers thus far, why stop now?

The pain. The boredom begins to set in & my mind tumbles around with options. Which path now? The draping of the skin begins, it comes with experience. 

fall seven times, get up eight.

the jewish proverb. she had a bracelet from her mother. she was stunning. all the souls i was able to surround myself with were ... such a blessing. this sunday afternoon was from heaven. he had to show me what it could be like if i just work harder. much harder.
i cannot play around.
"reality is negotiable" they all noticed the piece of a memory hanging from my neck. only a few months back i was standing on that porch in corolla. seeing the dream that had been on repeat since i was a child... i noticed that i was standing in such a familiar spot. one of the fans found the pick and felt the need to give it to me. he then introduced me to the band. im with the band... but no one knows this.
now i have it to hold. have it to remember why i am putting forth all this.. solitude. for me to be able to achieve my dreams with his dreams. i think we spent alot of time together somewhere... how else in the world can i explain what he does to me?

World War III

I did the photoshoot late November in Asheville. The graffiti ruins and furs... Lace leotards. The woman in my chair today loved my picture, she adored my biography. "It's like a picture from the future". The future of our world ending. The end of an era.. of a civilization. Those pictures and times are priceless now, I am so thankful that we did that. The brilliance of our futuristic shoot... We know something that 'they' don't...

I'm sacrificing everything to be here. "Heartbreaking".

The meditation time early this morning... I had the vision of what I want my future to look like. I was lying there holding his hand and smiling. The biggest grin... I'm a silly girl. But that second of putting my vision out into the world... I'll send him that letter soon.

Kingdom of shades.

The lines embrace the essence of what I am subject to create. My bike ride to work was that of a new spring day.. Thank God there isn't one hundred hours in a day. That would just be too many... 

New start to the same journey. I see a clearer path, as if each move is part of a practiced dance, still leaving room for error. Seeing the shadows, is what I need to learn to create, that is where the silhouette comes from.  

Pushing aside the inevitable, our world is coming to an end. I just pray each day that God delivers me home when all the ruins begin to fall. 

I'll be wearing my best dress... & fur. 

Leaving on a jet plane.

 

Across the country, I go. "You've always wanted to do this". -mom

I"ll be ready when the tears stop falling. But the release of saline makes me human. Back to the 'other' life, another dimension of people. Thirteen days is enough to miss someone.. something. Just enough time to see what I am not missing... and to enjoy what I missed the most.

Wrapping my brain around the future is hard, so I live in the present. It is the only time that I can predict.

I say a prayer for safe travel, the variables are everywhere. A winter snow storm up north rearranges the air traffic, pushing people to stop... 

I must keep going, so much waits for me over the horizon. In a land of illusion, a land of wild dreams and other nonsense. Playing cards, I gamble.

I speak of him to mom today, explaining the band... the talent. I hope and wonder what will become of us. I want so much to be a part of the movement. The music is meant to be heard by millions. It is meant to change lives... to live forever. The amount of energy that is flowing within me tells me no different. It's a matter of perfect timing. When all the moments line up... I'll be back to the east soon enough. Wearing my fur... Springtime hound dog show. 

impression.

the first one is most important. to leave a mark that someone remembers, you must behave differently. the lessons came about today in the form of change. pouring cold rain and winds keep us in doors today, helping me realize that i belong on the other side for awhile. roaming amongst the land of delusion, each of us living in our own reality. the heavy breathing is what keeps me settled, helps me be able to release any extra....

the repeat of the dreams, the ones that i remember so vividly as a child will continue to happen, as long as they teach me a few things. the strangest sensation is what keeps me leaning forward.

let go.

i have to release my love for the comfort of home. another last night in my california king, soon enough i'll be headed back west. in a world that is all so new and unpredictable.  it is what i asked for, it is what i am going to make work. i needed this moment to come home and see all the faces that pushed me forward. they are what created this excited, creative creature.. now i am out wandering the world. as much as i would like to just stop moving, cuddle up and fall in "love", i have to see the world in order to sit still. i guess i'll be moving around for a bit.

contentment in constant change
a movement that hurts
 from the inside out.
i am still crossing out the
memories and erasing
what i used to be.
the reality of the past
is created through
our future. i press time
against the wall and
try and convince her that
she is more than what
meets the eye.
i have all the time in
world...
why must i live like there
is only ten minutes
waiting on the other side.